Being called sassy is one of my biggest pet peeves.
It may seem entirely inconsequential, but once that hissing “s” of the second syllable hits the teeth, I feel faint.
I guess it just depends on the situation. If I’m enjoying a glass of Skinnygirl while watching yet another episode of "Sex and the City," I guess it's then acceptable for my friends to tell me that the fifth “bitch” rolling off my tongue is indeed coming off as “sassy.”
The problem with the term is that it’s often used as a dismissal of real human emotions.
I recently sent an e-mail to a close work friend. We had a disagreement and after awhile of back and forth that got a little heated, I woke up to a text message that at first seemed like an innocent agree-to-disagree.
But there it was. Mixed into the saccharine apology. The loaded word:
“I know you can’t help but be sassy sometimes.”
My entire argument—destroyed in one short sentence. My entire email series full of well thought out complaints and counterpoints filled with logic, emotion and rhetoric all poured into a perfectly structured format, rendered silly and reactionary by one two-syllable dictionary entry.
Gay men are subjected to a lot in a hetero-centric world. Not being taken seriously since birth is the most pervasive, and by far the most damaging. Unfortunately, the working world is no break from this perception. Our voices may make many perceive us as weak. Our mannerisms may slightly point to femininity, which androcentricism deems as inferior. Our solutions or proposals are often minimized to our tastes and sexuality.
Admittedly, my e-mails probably got personal towards the end. And even if I thought I was being careful, this person’s ego and professional ability were rightfully on the defensive.
But there are many other words to call someone who is acting in a similar way. Maybe they’re being insulting, angry, judgmental, or perhaps they’re just an asshole. Ask yourself if sentencing someone to sass will undermine their intellect and personality. It’s akin to telling a woman she’s a bitch when she gets her period. Nothing makes someone feel more helpless and hopeless than being told their behavior stems from something they can’t help.
