When you have been hurt, it's hard to move on. It's hard to wake up every day and put on a smile. When someone you love betrays you and makes you feel unworthy of love, it can be hard to accept any kind of affection again. As someone who has been broken, I know this story all too well.
After someone betrays your trust, you start to wonder if anything they ever said was real. If they ever really loved you, if the relationship you shared was ever something substantial. You ask yourself what else they must have lied about, how much of the truth they were bending just to make you happy. You question everything that you have ever known about love. Or if you have ever really known anything at all.
It's tricky being in love and putting someone else's needs before your own at all times. To trust someone with your heart. Essentially putting your life in someone else's hands, trusting them not to hurt you beyond all repair. Once this trust is broken once, you become hesitant to ever give it to someone again. You tell yourself that it's too dangerous to let yourself fall again. You convince yourself that everyone you will ever meet will be just like the first one. That you will fall and they won't be there to catch you. Believe me, I know what that's like.
It feels like being surrounded by water, gasping for air and seeing no one around that can reach you. It's like dangling from a cliff and having no one around to reach down and grab your hand. Or maybe it's more like seeing someone there but having the overwhelming fear that they aren't going to catch you or if they do grab your hand, it will only be for a second and then you will be plummeting to your death. You know, something equally as scary as that.
From the moment someone breaks your heart and your trust in them, the world is different. Colors look a little less bright, things that once made you happy seem to do a whole lot less. People who seem really nice all of a sudden look suspicious to you. You start refusing to even trust them with little things like holding your bag or driving you down the street.
This fear isn't real. It's not you. It's not your fault that you are suddenly scared to trust everyone you meet. It's their fault - the first person to break you. They made you feel secure and tore it all away. But it doesn't have to define where you go from there. It doesn't have to shape who you are as a person. You don't have to let what they did control you.
Yes, trusting people might seem scary now. You might even forget how to really trust someone else with your heart. But don't shy away from them. Don't let the fear of another heartbreak control you. If you start shying away from every little touch, you're going to miss out on so much. You're going to miss out on first dates with amazing people. You're going to miss out on the feeling of holding someone's hand, or the thrill of a first kiss. You're going to miss out on really good movies, on new places to eat food. You're going to let yourself miss laughing at awful jokes and driving around with the windows down and the radio all the way up. Trust me when I tell you that you are going to let yourself miss out on a lot of really good things.
Sure, the idea of getting hurt again is terrifying. It might be all you think about every now and then...but don't let it consume you. Break your own wall down just a little bit and let some sun peek through. Open yourself up to a few more possibilities than you thought were possible. You might surprise yourself.
