Why I am saying goodbye.

Goodbye. The hardest word to be able to come to terms with, even if it is a conscious choice. It may be through death, a breakup, or just simply growing apart. One day you’re close, and the next you’re unable to even look them in the eyes. One day they’re who you want to spend all of your time with and the next, you’re wondering what went so wrong. But there’s no answers.

You can create a million and one scenarios of what could’ve gone better or been different, but the truth of the matter is that you two just no longer are in each other’s chapters of life. You two are no longer the ride or dies of each others lives, and that’s okay. Because you’re your own. You are ultimately the one person who you can never truly escape from. Who you can never truly say goodbye to.

Saying goodbye abruptly can be emotionally disturbing and conflicting because oftentimes, it’s not the outcome you’d want. It’s not what you are desiring because you always have some form of hope that things can get better. However, it’s okay to face the facts. It’s okay if the truth knocks you on your feet and creates an emotional tornado inside of you for a little while. Because it does GET BETTER.

There is always a light on the other side if you’re not wearing sunglasses. If you’re strong enough to face the brilliance and vibrancy of the light of your future instead of cowering from it, you will succeed. Instead of hiding in the dark because you’re afraid of what the light might illuminate, you will gain immense strength when you believe in yourself. For the longest time, you were my best friend.

Needless to say, I had no idea you didn’t reciprocate the same type of love. Needless to say, I felt stronger about you than you did for me which is why I fought for us until the very end when you ran away when things got hard. Needless to say, I loved you with all of my heart.

Thank you for giving me a lifetime of love in the time span of six months. Thank you for being the most amazing first boyfriend I could’ve ever asked for. I understand why you’re leaving. It’s not a mystery to me.

There are many factors contributing to this decision of yours. But I don’t think I’d ever been able to say it to you. I might not be able to mutter out a “goodbye” but I can mutter out an “I miss you” and a “thank you for being the best”, even as well as a “you will always have my heart”. Because those things I’m able to shout from the mountaintops. My love for you has never been a secret.

My love for you has never been a mystery or a question, whether or not you want to believe that. I am proudly able to say “I have loved you ever since the first moment I’ve laid eyes on you, and regardless of if you’re with me, I will always send you the best wishes and most love for being my best friend for half of a year”.

I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you. I understand that you’re not capable of handling it. However, to protect my own self from further hurt from you,

I need to shake the mud off my boots and walk away. Even though my faith has been shaky lately, I will always live by the verse of Matthew 10:14: “And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town.”

Since you will no longer take the words I have to say into consideration or appreciation nor will you listen to them long enough to do so, I need to shake the dust off of my feet as I walk away from you. I will not carry this into the next relationship that I have, nor will I choose to carry it throughout my life with me. I am not beating myself up for trying my best and truly love you.

I cannot convince you of that, either. I cannot convince you of my feelings for you. Only you can choose to believe that. And if you can’t, then I can no longer attempt to prove it to you. Thank you for giving me a platform to understand that even if you don’t understand, I am completely aware of the truth of my feelings for you.

Every goodbye opens a door new to spark a new beginning.