Letting Go Before I Felt It Was Time

Letting Go Before I Felt It Was Time

"Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become what you'll be." -Candace Bushnell
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In life, we have to learn to let go. Letting go isn’t always easy, but sometimes it’s necessary.

Have you ever met someone and thought, "dang, they’re super cute?" So naturally, you begin to talk to them. You get to know that person, you being to spend time with that person, you might even date. This person begins to be a part of your life. You talk to this person on the daily, and they even might become the person you turn to when life gets tough. You can’t begin to imagine what your life would be like without them! Then, something happens…

Something happens between you two. You discover your goals in life are completely different. Distance could be too hard. You both want to go back to where you grew up. You found out this person had another side that doesn’t fit with your personality. Whatever it may be, you and this person have to go separate ways before you are truly ready. Here’s an open letter to the person letting go and the person being let go.

To the one, I’m letting go of too soon,

I really didn’t think this day would come. When I first met you, I could see you in my future for a long time. I know our separation will be for the better but right now it’s hard. I might play this off as being easy…but it's far from easy. I want you to know I still care a lot about you, I wish things didn’t have to be the way they were.

I hope we can still be close. I know I’ll keep up with you on social media and wish I was outside playing corn hole with you as well when you post those goofy snaps. You’ve taught me a lot and I’m forever grateful. They say every person that crosses our paths is there to teach us something, and I'm glad we got to spend some time together. I will have memories to cherish for a lifetime, from all the late night park adventures to all the random fishing trips.

It’s crazy to think that one day when we’re older we will be telling stories about all the crazy things we did. It’ll make me think of you and I'll smile! Or someday I'll see a picture of you on social media and smile at the good times. In the future, the struggle will only make us stronger. We won’t remember the nights we stayed up late thinking about how we could have fixed this, or how we feel sorry for ourselves.

In the end, everything that happens happens for a reason. I know we don’t know the reason now, and we might not even know it tomorrow. But someday when we learn the lesson, we will know it was all worth it. I wish you the best in everything you do! Keep in touch

To the one having to move on after the leaving,

It’ll all work out in the end. The person you’re letting go of will understand. Sometimes in life, things change and it’s no longer time for them to be in your life. You have to learn to move on. You can still care about that person, and stalk them on social media, though. You can still send them that funny meme or that random snap of something that reminds you of them.

You can still be friends! But when you leave this person, you are leaving a little changed. Every person you meet along the way has an impact on your life. They change you when they cross your path. Also if we think about it, the person you let go is thinking the same thing you are, they had to let go of you as well. Don’t forget to give them space.

When you let someone go, you have to change the way you talk to them. You have to begin to talk to them less. While they once were the person you told everything to, now they are just a friend. You will never begin to get over them until you accept the fact that what once was, is no longer.

Letting go of someone isn’t easy and by no means am I trying to make it sound easy. I just want you to know you are stronger than you think you are. You can make it through anything. In a year from now you’ll be laughing about all the good times you had with that person and you’ll look back and smile. You won’t remember the pain.

In the end when you make the decision to move on from someone. It doesn't matter if you're ready or not. It’s hard. Also when things happen in life, while it might not feel like the right thing at the time, it is! There's a plan to your life and a reason everything happens the way it does! Just go with the flow and enjoy every little moment. The past has already happened, and the future will come no matter what, just enjoy this present moment!

Cover Image Credit: Kendall Gatewood

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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As Girls, We'll Talk About Our Ex-Boyfriends — But Never Our Ex-Best Girl Friend

Growing up means constantly changing. As a result, the best friend we understood better than anyone else can slowly become a stranger.

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As girls, it is rare we discuss ending a friendship with the girl we consider a sister. How exactly do we end a friendship with the girl who truly understands and appreciates us? What causes us to break the bond we share with her? The answers are what cause us to not express our feelings on this.

Rarely do we think about "the why" behind this decision. Yet, breaking up with her feels more devastating than saying it's over to a boyfriend.

I'm still young but noticed that this is something we as girls just do. While speaking to multiple friends this year, there was a good number of girls who either called-it-a-wrap or experienced a girlfriend breaking up with them instead. If any apparent traces of a conversation surfaced, then it usually came far after the initial breakup or happened with everyone but this girl.

However, us girls are a friend of the drama and will end these friendships in a few different ways. I explain them in a different POV because I kept thinking about: how would I feel if someone I care about just decided to drop off the face of the planet without at least a warning? Like, okay bet.

We're all too familiar with ghosting

This happens without any warning. One day you will be laughing together at a party, kickback, or while going out for drinks and then, poof! All of a sudden their existence becomes a myth. The adopted sister who you spoke to every day becomes nonexistent and doesn't grant the opportunity for closure.

Ghosting can occur because of multiple reasons. Maybe she was harboring some long-time resentments that caused her to say no more. Maybe it was jealousy (which causes us to make some ugly decisions and not enjoy the people who remind us of our insecurities), misunderstandings, or just not-clicking. This act screams drama and "I'm done." (Roll curtains). Perhaps, she felt you would be too immature to respect an emotional conversation. Maybe she just couldn't admit that you hurt her.

Don't be so quick to blame yourself though. Being "ghosted" doesn't automatically mean you've done something wrong. A girlfriend who ghosts you instead of just being upfront is also an immature person. She might believe that a discussion is not necessary because confrontation is too intimidating. She's not planning to tell you "the why," either. At this point, all she's doing is opening the door for you to enjoy last-minute shopping with another girl.

Sometimes it's a painful withdrawal

Different from ghosting, withdrawal does not happen as abruptly. It is a slow depart from the friendship in which this girl will progressively begin to ignore you. This can be more bothersome than ghosting because it's ripping the band-aid off slowly. The first sign of her looking for an 'out' from being your friend is minimal effort to keep in touch.

If she is not interested in speaking to you, then it's clear she wants to leave this friendship behind. Obvious signs are no longer responding to phone calls, rarely replying to texts (their messages will also be quite dry), engaging with you less on social media, and always being "busy, sorry." A girl who slowly pulls away from a friendship instead of expressing herself or even ghosting is definitely more comfortable with being passive. She might think you won't allow the friendship to end well.

This breakup tactic gives you enough time to ask her to open up. Ask in person, because their response will be more honest than over text. If bestie decides she won't be telling you the truth and is extremely rude during that conversation then it would be best to just keep it moving.

When it's upfront and personal

This girl does not have a problem expressing her feelings to you. She will let you know exactly what's on her mind. Our besties often range between being the type of girl who asks to speak in private or start a scene.

Moderating this discussion is always possible. If she feels the need to deliver her message in a way that's loud and hurtful rather than helpful... issa "no" from me champ. Unless you were intentionally hurting your friend, you don't need to be treated as a criminal. There is not a need for her to put you on trial and attempt to condemn every single one of your missteps. Everyone messes up and if she feels speaking down to you is the answer then it's an obviously wrong one.

However, maybe the jury says there is evidence of you being a b****. Whether it was accepting the conditions of a one-sided friendship or putting up with your selfish behavior this girl has had enough. An apology may be appreciated, too.

After she's done expressing everything on her mind, the friendship might be over. Or, this conversation can lead to a better friendship for both of you.

Or just general disconnect

This isn't so much a breakup, but just life. Growing up means constantly changing. As a result, the best friend we understood better than anyone else can slowly become a stranger. Regardless if she's held the title of "sister" for years, drifting away from each other happens. You'll notice this because her new intrigues will no longer align with yours. Ultimately, the past will become the only thing you two have in common.

Signs that your friendship is losing its spark are running out of things to talk about, you're both too busy for each other, and haven't really cared to connect in awhile. You'll always have love in your heart for her if it ended well. All of those fun times are stored away as the memories for a laugh on a bad day. After enough time has passed you two will begin sharing hugs instead of awkward glances. After a million, "OMG we should definitely meet up for lunch one day," are exchanged you might actually meet-up next week, too.

Basically, the girls we invite into the more personal aspects of, well, "who we are" matter. They matter as much as knowing why we would want to end it and stop gassing each other up while throwing it back.

None of us are perfect. There are many reasons (underlying or obvious) a friendship ends. Personally, I feel talking about anything that's bothering us is valid. If you're able to resuscitate a friendship, then why not try to make its lifeline bounce back? If she's a real friend, then she'll listen and try to understand where you're coming from.

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