Letting Go Before I Felt It Was Time

Letting Go Before I Felt It Was Time

"Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become what you'll be." -Candace Bushnell
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In life, we have to learn to let go. Letting go isn’t always easy, but sometimes it’s necessary.

Have you ever met someone and thought, "dang, they’re super cute?" So naturally, you begin to talk to them. You get to know that person, you being to spend time with that person, you might even date. This person begins to be a part of your life. You talk to this person on the daily, and they even might become the person you turn to when life gets tough. You can’t begin to imagine what your life would be like without them! Then, something happens…

Something happens between you two. You discover your goals in life are completely different. Distance could be too hard. You both want to go back to where you grew up. You found out this person had another side that doesn’t fit with your personality. Whatever it may be, you and this person have to go separate ways before you are truly ready. Here’s an open letter to the person letting go and the person being let go.

To the one, I’m letting go of too soon,

I really didn’t think this day would come. When I first met you, I could see you in my future for a long time. I know our separation will be for the better but right now it’s hard. I might play this off as being easy…but it's far from easy. I want you to know I still care a lot about you, I wish things didn’t have to be the way they were.

I hope we can still be close. I know I’ll keep up with you on social media and wish I was outside playing corn hole with you as well when you post those goofy snaps. You’ve taught me a lot and I’m forever grateful. They say every person that crosses our paths is there to teach us something, and I'm glad we got to spend some time together. I will have memories to cherish for a lifetime, from all the late night park adventures to all the random fishing trips.

It’s crazy to think that one day when we’re older we will be telling stories about all the crazy things we did. It’ll make me think of you and I'll smile! Or someday I'll see a picture of you on social media and smile at the good times. In the future, the struggle will only make us stronger. We won’t remember the nights we stayed up late thinking about how we could have fixed this, or how we feel sorry for ourselves.

In the end, everything that happens happens for a reason. I know we don’t know the reason now, and we might not even know it tomorrow. But someday when we learn the lesson, we will know it was all worth it. I wish you the best in everything you do! Keep in touch

To the one having to move on after the leaving,

It’ll all work out in the end. The person you’re letting go of will understand. Sometimes in life, things change and it’s no longer time for them to be in your life. You have to learn to move on. You can still care about that person, and stalk them on social media, though. You can still send them that funny meme or that random snap of something that reminds you of them.

You can still be friends! But when you leave this person, you are leaving a little changed. Every person you meet along the way has an impact on your life. They change you when they cross your path. Also if we think about it, the person you let go is thinking the same thing you are, they had to let go of you as well. Don’t forget to give them space.

When you let someone go, you have to change the way you talk to them. You have to begin to talk to them less. While they once were the person you told everything to, now they are just a friend. You will never begin to get over them until you accept the fact that what once was, is no longer.

Letting go of someone isn’t easy and by no means am I trying to make it sound easy. I just want you to know you are stronger than you think you are. You can make it through anything. In a year from now you’ll be laughing about all the good times you had with that person and you’ll look back and smile. You won’t remember the pain.

In the end when you make the decision to move on from someone. It doesn't matter if you're ready or not. It’s hard. Also when things happen in life, while it might not feel like the right thing at the time, it is! There's a plan to your life and a reason everything happens the way it does! Just go with the flow and enjoy every little moment. The past has already happened, and the future will come no matter what, just enjoy this present moment!

Cover Image Credit: Kendall Gatewood

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle: Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay.

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying. What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense. I've heard it all, "He was cute, why didn't you like him?" "You didn't even give him a chance!" "You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous; however, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well. Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

THIS IS CRUCIAL FOR FINDING A NICE GUY. It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault. If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs." Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him. If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it. He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush. Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling. :)

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An Open Letter To The People I Decided To Stop Fighting For

"Stop begging and fighting for people to love you the right way. Stop investing time in people who don't mind if you stay or leave." — Reyna Biddy

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To the people I decided to stop fighting for,

It's not you, it's me. It's me who made the choice to put your needs above mine for longer than I should have. It's me who let myself be involved in an endless cycle of giving, without taking. It's me who continues to see the best in people even when shown a million reasons to take off the goggles-- to not float back down to Earth, back to reality. But to crash into pieces of what was once a flawless facade.

But it's you who were never going to change.

You were never going to see all the ways you hurt me, and I was never going to force you to. Just as you failed to understand, I failed to tell you there were repercussions... because there weren't.

I am a kind person, and I will not stop being kind. I am a compassionate person, and I will not stop being compassionate. I will, however, stop letting my kindness and compassion act as a gateway for mistreatment, for not second chances but third and fourth and fifth chances. Chances that you never asked for, but that I gave you anyways.

I have to walk away from the one-sidedness, from the excuses that I handed you on a silver platter. I let you walk all over me, and I even shined your shoes in the process. I am done using amazing memories as a means of masking toxicity with a happy past. The thing about memories is that they're used to reminisce about the previous, but I used them to excuse the things that you do in the present.

You were never going to stop making me feel small when all I'd do is try to lift you up. I suppose the more you let someone treat you as though you're small, the more they believe it is OK to do this, it is OK to belittle you. But it was never OK, and that's on me. It was me who'd tell you the ways you had hurt me, only to have you repeat them over and over again without consequence. And it was me who was fine with this.

I am without anger, without frustration, and without sadness.

I feel nothing but love for you, but I must also love myself enough to stop fighting and to let go of things not meant for me, things that no longer bring me joy and peace in my life.

Now I am exhausted, far too tired to fight for people who judge instead of love, who bicker instead of trying to understand. Because you weren't going to change. You won't change. And that's OK, that I've made peace with. But I have to change — I have to stand up for myself, and I have to walk away.

So I lay down my armor and I throw up my shield because it's time to start protecting myself, to start fighting for me.

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