I am the type of person that has to control everything I can so that I am prepared and will know that it will go the way I planned. However, life is not going to be an easy, mapped out, straight path; there will be curves and bumps along the way. Those moments may feel like the end of the world, but to always live with stress and disappointment is not healthy mentally or physically and will become exhausting. That is why being able to let go of control and to fully lean on my faith has allowed me to view situations that did not go the way I planned with a positive attitude and knowing in my heart that whatever is going to happen will work out for the best.
I was brought up to believe in God, but the past three years have really been about me growing deeper in my faith, knowing God personally and living my life the way He has it planned out to be. Now, there are still days that I think that I am able to take God's "role" as to how I want the day to go or what type of people I want in my life rather than the people He knows I need. Even with school, it has been hard to stop putting pressure on myself to do my very best all the time, but having a community of believers to remind me of who God is, His endless love for me and that He will never stray away from anyone He loves takes the weight off my shoulders.
Going from managing everything you can to passing that control over to God is not easy right away. There will be moments that you may feel tempted to take lead because you feel that it won't be done perfectly. I understand that because I have been in those moments. When I was a senior in high school I had no idea where I wanted to go to college. I also did not have the ACT scores that I thought I needed to get into any college, so being the planner and hard worker I am, I kept taking the tests to try and improve my score, but they never increased. I was becoming frustrated, disappointed and stressed in myself because I wasn't doing my best and deadlines were quickly approaching to apply. After listening to family and friends who were also believers I felt in my heart that I just needed to start applying to colleges and to rely on God to handle it. When I came home one day from school and saw a big envelope from The University of Southern Mississippi on the kitchen counter, I was nervous to open it, but pulling out the letter inside and seeing the word "Congratulations" written down was surreal. I was so thrilled and amazed at the works of God. All that time I was trying to regulate my performance on the tests to get into the colleges I wanted to apply to, but God then pulled me a different direction and He took the lead and I ended up in the best place that I could hope for.
Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see". I hope that this gives you some encouragement if you struggle with needing everything to go the way you plan it to be. Not everyone is perfect and you might not have things go your way, but learning to give that up and being able to accept that has been rewarding.
