We’ve all been there before; hurt, crying, angry, dying to throw a punch or scream in someone’s face. The pain in your chest that you feel or the sinking feeling in your stomach; we’ve all experienced it. And it’s hard to hold it all in and contain your emotions. There has been several times where I contemplated if punching a girl in the face was worth the suspension. Well, I’m here to tell you, that it’s not worth it.
My junior year of high school, my boyfriend cheated on me with one of my best friends. And I was livid, for a really long time. I was angry and had a lot of hate in my heart for her. Part of it was because I was so embarrassed and part of it was because I was so hurt she would do that to me. I was getting angrier and angrier at people around me. It was hard for me to even comprehend what was happening to myself in the process of all these emotions.
Between the hurt, anger, and tears, at some point I decided that I had to end it. I decided. I looked myself in the mirror one day and I thought to myself, "I am done being angry. I am done letting them control me. I am letting go." Forgiveness goes a long way, but it certainly doesn't change what's been done. I told the girl that I forgave her for what she did, but I was annoyed because I still felt hurt about it. I forgave her, so shouldn't it go away?! A lot of the lesson I learned about forgiveness and letting go of the past I learned in one of my social justice classes. It was in that class that I learned the more time and emotions you give to someone, the more time you spend with anger or hate in your heart, the more time you are wasting and the more time you are only hurting yourself.
I found all of that to be true. the sadness about what happened didn't just go away after I decided to forgive her. I couldn't change what happened. It took time. A lot of time. It's been two years and I'll be honest, sometimes when I lay awake at night I think about it and I get mad all over again. But in the end, the only person it affects when I'm upset like that, is myself. I was doing so much more damage to myself. Keeping all of those negative emotions and thoughts inside you prevents you from growing into a better person. And when I decided to let go, I felt free. I felt like I was myself again and not being controlled by something or someone else. I felt like I could breathe again.
I found that letting go was the best thing for me. It really did allow me to grow into a better person. I changed because of my experience. And now, I know how to really handle a situation like that with love and compassion and I put myself first. Letting go of the negativity festering in my heart, was the beginning of a new me, and a fresh start.
