In high school, I dated a guy that made me feel terrible about myself. He was controlling and obsessive. He didn't like when I spent time with anyone else but him. He didn't like when I showed too much skin. Whenever I wasn't with him, he constantly texted me and asked who I was with. If I didn't respond quickly enough, he would call and scream at me for taking so long to get back to him. He wanted me to look girly at all times, even when I wasn't in the mood. It was emotionally exhausting being with him.
I finally got the courage to break up with him, and it was the best decision I've ever made. While cleaning my room this past week, I found an old journal I kept in high school. In it was this letter I wrote to him. I want to share it to bring awareness to those in controlling relationships.
I feel so free now that I am not with you anymore. I can wear the dress I want to without worrying if it's too short for your standards. I can have guy friends without you assuming I'm going to sleep with them. I can go dancing with my friends without you always calling to ask me when I'm leaving. I can focus on school and not worry about if I'm spending enough time with you.
I can travel wherever I want.
I can eat as much as I want without you telling me I've had enough.
I don't have to listen to your criticism of my dream of being a teacher.
I don't have to shave my legs every day.
I don't have to constantly check my phone and respond quickly to your messages so you don't assume I'm up to no good.
I can try new things without wondering if you'll approve of it or not.
I missed being my own person so much. I'm becoming the Janie I used to be, and oh how I missed her. I still love you, but I love myself more.
If any of these things I went through with my ex sound similar to anything you've experienced or are experiencing, please consider getting out of the situation. You don't deserve to be treated like that. You should be allowed to go wherever you want, wear whatever you want, eat whatever you want and do whatever you want without someone breathing down your neck about it. You are your own person and can make your own decisions. It can be scary to be single and alone, but it is better than not being able to make your own choices. There are other people who have experienced what you are going through and will help you through this. Take care of yourself first!
