Death. It has such finality, but at the same time, it's incomprehensible to those of us still living.

To be completely honest, I've struggled with the concept of death for the past few months. It's the one thing in life that truly scares me beyond repair — a crippling fear that leaves me crying and shaking with terror, causing unintelligible fits of anxiety almost every other day.

Being the over-thinker that I am, my mind always asks questions; questions that will never be answered. Questions that cannot be answered. Questions like, "What happens after you die?" "Where do you go?" "Who do you become?"

I can't understand it. I can't accept it. Especially when last week, my family lost an incredibly close friend.

This one's for you, Dr. Tom James. We miss you dearly.

To Those In Heaven I Love So Deeply:

Why did you leave us here? We might never know the answer, but what we do know is that sometimes, it seems like we won't be able to go on living without you. We feel your loss everywhere we go, and to be selfishly honest, we wish you were still here with us. After all, we need you here. We need you to help fill the world with more wonderful, loving, selfless people. We need you to help us through our hard times. We need you to celebrate with us through our good times.

But we know you are. Even though you're no longer here, we know you're up there listening to us, watching us and loving us, still.

Don't worry about us down here. As hard as it gets some days, we'll be ok without you. The whole in our hearts will never go away, but, as time goes on, it'll get smaller, less noticeable, and eventually, we'll be laughing again and remembering it all with a smile on our faces. We'll cherish the memories you gave us, knowing it's what you would have wanted.

I hope you're somewhere lovely — some place beautiful in the clouds. I've always pictured Heaven as a beautiful place with the happiest things you've ever seen: clear blue waters, full looming oak trees and whatever else makes your heart sing. I hope you're doing everything you ever wanted to do, but never got the chance. I hope you're loving those who went before you, rejoicing with them in a heartfelt reunion. I hope you're looking out for those of us you left behind. Trust me, we really need it.

More importantly, though, I hope you have no regrets. I hope you lived your life to the absolute fullest, doing everything you ever wanted and loving as whole-heartedly as possible.

I hope life was so good to you. I'll love you always.