So this is not really a letter to my ex (who is now my best friend). If you actually read the subtitle, you would know that this is a letter to everyone who thinks that it is wrong, weird, dumb, etc. to be best friends with someone you used to date, especially if it was long term. But more importantly this is a letter to those who want to be with their ex, but don't know if its worth trying. Well here are 6 reasons why it is totally okay to be best friends with you ex.
You dated, you obviously have something in common.
So I have dated my best friend, and yes we are no longer together, ‘a thing’, a couple, however you want to put it. But the reasons we dated for so long was not because we were the cool kids and that everyone expected to date. We were the nerds that really didn’t talk, had some classes and clubs together, and we talked here and there. But we also had a lot of the same loves of movies, tv shows, food, and hobbies. Just because we ended up breaking up doesn’t mean that those loves changed for either of us. Those commonalities *shocker* stayed the same, and they will probably continue to be the same. Actually through dating, we gained more of each others loves and hobbies. So why should we stop talking entirely if we have so much in common? That’s like someone telling you to stop talking you your best friend just because you had a fight.
They probably know you better than most.
In a good dating relationship, you learn a lot about each other; even if you were friends prior, you learned a lot about the other. From their favorite foods by what they ordered at dinner, to their favorite movie genres by what they choose on Netflix nights or at the theater. And a lot of other little and big details of one another. Those are not easy to forget, so why waste that knowledge?
It’s pretty likely that you both have similar friend groups.
Between the time you two were together, you saw each others friends, and probably became part of the other ones group. Your friend groups may have doubled due to your relationship. Why would you want to lose all those new friends in your life?
You have a ton memories you have together, why stop there?
You have memories together, no doubt, good and bad. But why should it all stop there when you both have whole lives ahead of you. Same interests, so much knowledge of the other, and similar friends- you are bound to have your paths cross many more times. So why not get along, and make more memories together?
Just because you broke up, doesn’t mean you hate each other.
A break up does not mean that you hate the other. It simply means that you are not meant to be a couple forever. It may take time after the break-up, as it is safe to assume that it was not pretty. Time heals most wounds. A little time apart is healthy, and quite frankly needed no matter who you are. But if you take that time, the veil of hatred lifts, and you see that you both can get along.
They have seen you in the best (and worst) of times.
While dating you probably saw each other laugh so hard one (or both) of you were crying, and maybe pee a little. You had great dates out together, out with friends, and those great nights where you stayed in with a few bags of chips, a liter or two of soda, and a great movie (or three). But on the other end, you both probably saw the other one down, sad, pissed, angry, maybe all to the point of crying, at some point. You know the best of the other, and the worst parts of them.
Break-ups are never pretty. There is no way around that. One of you, if not both, are a mess for a while after one. Even if it is a ‘nice’ break up when there is understanding on both sides. Wait a few months, yes a few months, before really trying to talk to each other again. You both then have time to heal, get over the other one, move on, and start to miss their friendship.
So just because an ex is no longer your ‘boo’ or your ‘bae’, that does not mean that you both can’t decide to be friends. It makes it easier, especially when you have some of the same friends. It makes it easier on all of you - especially if you have the exact same friend groups. But for those who still think that it all will be ‘weird’ and ‘awkward’ - it’s only awkward if you make it awkward.
