2016 has been filled with so many tragedies. November has always been a bittersweet month for me--my grandfather passed away on November 4 of 2001, and we both shared a love for Thanksgiving. But this November was, wow, I really do not have words to describe it. Throughout 2016, I lost a total of five people, three of whom were veterans, to suicide. Their deaths have left an imprint on me one way or another. I have decided to keep them all anonymous, out of respect for the dead and for their families.
The last two tragedies hit too close for comfort back in November. One person I never thought in a million years would leave this Earth so soon, decided it was his time. While attending his wake, and seeing lines and lines of people paying their last respects I thought, Did he know how many people adored him? How many of us told him we that we love him on a regular basis? Or, that we enjoy his company? Would that have made a difference? I could not attend a funeral for the other person who passed last November because his last wishes were not to have a traditional funeral. However, I sat for hours at a place we had met for our coffee talks and said my goodbyes. In the military and civilian world, suicide has become an epidemic, so I dedicate this letter to all of those I have lost--and to those you might have lost so tragically and so soon, as well. Rest peacefully, my loves. You all will never be forgotten.
Hello Love,
I did not know the extent of the battles you were facing. I hate when people say they understand, so I will not say that . How could they understand what it is like to lead the life you live? Walk in the shoes you have walked in? Fight your demons? But I know what it is like to fight alone; I’ve learned that some battles we must fight alone to get through the next chapters in our life. I know what it is like to be up against the ropes, fighting not only outside forces but ones inside yourself. I get it now when people say, You are your own worst enemy. I did not grow up with you and I could not imagine the pain your loved ones are suffering not having you in their lives anymore.
You did leave an imprint on my heart, and I have a handful of memories I would not trade for the world. Memories, in which I have, laughed until I cried, and those which my perspective on life had broadened. My first-time meeting someone who loved coffee just as much as me, and having the opportunity to talk for hours about whatever we wanted. My first taste of real Vermont bacon, and my first corned beef with all the fixings. The little time I did have with you were some of the best memories I will ever have. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me the opportunity to have the time I did with you. I can look inside my heart and there you are.
There are so many things that remind me of our memories together, and I will cherish them until one day I leave this Earth. I miss you so much. It hurts knowing nothing I could have done could have helped you. This was what you wanted, all you wanted was to be free. Who am I to stand in your way? Free of the demons tormenting you, and all I ever want is for the people I love to be happy. Now, all I can do is weep that I no longer can see you smile or hear your laugh, or talk for hours about random topics. And, although people think suicide is selfish, I believe being angry at you for taking your life is selfish. Of course, I want you back here with us--the world needs more people like you--but not at the cost of your happiness. Rest Peacefully.
Catch You on The Flip Side,
RR
Should you, or anyone you know need a lifeline, whether civilian or veteran, I've provided two of the many resources, both national and in NYC.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
Veterans, Press 1
Available all day every day
The Lifeline (@800273Talk) on Twitter
Text "WELL" to 65173
Call 1-888-NYC-WELL
Visit: https://nycwell.cityofnewyork.us/en/ for more resources!
