Struggling with depression isn't what it's cracked up to be by artists and poets and musicians everywhere. It's not beautiful, it doesn't inherently make you smarter than others, and it definitely doesn't make you suddenly like the character of some cool, indie flick. Romanticizing depression is deadly and I hope to knock some things into place to help people out there struggling.
I have to start by explaining that there are different types of depression: Postpartum, major, bipolar, atypical, seasonal, and several more. Most people think of major and chronic depression when they first hear the term, but the different types have a slew of differing circumstances and symptoms that may convince some to talk themselves out of believing they have it. Depression doesn't have to be permanent, but it can be (aka chronic). It isn't just a feeling of sadness: It's not having any hope; it's thoughts of worthlessness. Depression can make you sleep all day, or be unable to sleep at all. It can make it hard to get out of bed, feeling as though there's someone sitting on your chest. Regardless of knowing you've got 10,000 other things you need to do right now, it makes it both impossible to care and to do because depression zaps all of your energy. It can fool many into thinking they don't have it, however, because while many know it will cause you to lose the ability to be interested even in things you once enjoyed and loved, it can also drive you into unhealthy obsessive cycles (e.g. binge-watching shows on Netflix, cleaning frenzies out of the blue when you haven't cleaned in three months, etc.). It's is tricky, exhausting and, above all, difficult to live with.
The worst part of depression that many do not understand is it completely distorts your perception of reality. It's pretty damn difficult to "look on the bright side" when you have tunnel vision caused by your depression, which only allows you to focus on all the bad. Depression cannot be cured by positive thinking alone because, for many, it may be attributed to other issues. The self-loathing, low self-esteem and pessimism you may feel can seem like the truth. People who love you may tell you day in and day out you're not a terrible person, that you don't deserve to feel like this, that you don't deserve to die, that you are worth so much more than you think; however, the depression will force you to block all of that support out. It will twist everything the people around you say until you're convinced of the truth that nobody really wants you around. They don't actually love you and need you there. Depression isn't just being lonely when you're alone: It's being surrounded by people you know, love, or get along well with, but feeling more alone than ever. It's isolating, it's brutal, and it's damning to many men and women in the world.
Depression isn't something to be taken lightly and it, above all, is not non-existent. You can't ignore it and hope it'll go away, because it will infect every aspect of your life, your way of thinking, your personality, and your relationships. Depression is one of the most suffocating, life-threatening mental health disorders in the world, with suicide leading as the tenth largest cause of death in 2015. If you think you're struggling with it, get help: go to counseling, therapy, talk to a trusted friend and/or adult if you're underage. Many can sometimes take years before seeking help: don't suffer needlessly when you can take steps towards feeling not just better, but feeling like yourself again.
For those in need:
Crisis Text Line: Text SUPPORT to 741-741 (24/7). Our trained counselors can discuss anything that's on your mind. Free, 24/7, confidential.
The Trevor Project Call 866-488-7386 (24/7) Live Chat with the Trevor Project (Fridays 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM EST)
