I spend most of my time here at college concerned about when my homework is due and what I should be studying now. I very seldom take the time to realize how worried my mom is about me until that “Hey, what’s up?” text comes in at midnight. When that text does come in the realization hits me that I haven’t made an effort to talk to my mom all day, and knowing her, she spent the whole day worrying about me. Even worse is when the text comes in long after I’m asleep and she worries through the night that I may not be alive.
Mom, I know you’re worried and I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for that time I lied. I’m sorry that I lied about where I was or what I was doing. I know that it took a small amount of trust away from me. I know now that when I say I’m in bed, you worry that I’m not. I learned my lesson. I do tell you the truth now. It’s far too difficult to lie to you than it is to face the fact that I may not be doing what you want me to do.
Thank you for worrying. It’s frustrating to me when I pick my phone up and have three texts from you, asking what I’m doing. I know that this is my fault. I chose college, and I chose moving away. Even though at moments I feel frustrated, in the grand scheme of things I’m thankful that you worry about me. If you didn’t, I would worry more about you.
I worry about you too. I know how hard it was for you to watch me leave. I know how hard it is for you to know I’m in a different town instead of across the house. I know you feel like you’re losing your best friend. Sometimes I lay awake at night worried about how you’re dealing with this change. I worry that something funny will happen and you won’t tell me because you don’t think I’ll care. I still care, and I still worry. I know I don’t worry about you as much as you worry about me, but I do worry.
You raised a smart and mature individual. I’m smarter than I thought I was. I thought I might not be able to handle this, but I’m doing it. The maturity you demanded from me has paid off. I handle situations with the maturity you would when a lot of college students have no clue how to handle situations they’ve never been faced with before.
I miss you more than you know. I hate when you talk about how much you miss me because I miss you more. There are days when all I want is a hug from my mom, and you’re not here. I’m supposed to be learning to be an adult. I shouldn’t need my mom as much as I used to but most of the time I need you more than I used to. There are things I’m excited, scared, mad, happy or sad about that I want to tell you, but I don’t. Texting just isn’t the same.
Being away from you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’m so thankful that I have a mom who is worried and takes time out of her days to let me know that. I just want you to know that I’m OK. I’m doing well here and I’m gaining more from this experience than I ever thought I would. I miss you so much, and I love you more than you know.
