A Letter to the One I’m Missing this Holiday Season,
I’d never gotten that empty feeling until I tried to call your number and remembered you couldn’t answer. Or when I see a gift at the store that I know you’ll love but then realizing it would only sit under the tree until I brought it to your grave. I don’t get that “drive home safe” call, your welcome home hug or you asking me if you can have my left overs. It’s been years since I saw you smile, heard your laugh, or watched you shake your head at me because I was always trying to grow up too fast while you wanted me to stay your little girl. It’s been years and I haven’t stopped grieving and I probably never will.
Did you know I still sing our duets in the car? It’s not the same when you’re not singing Kid Rocks part but I still love that song because I can almost hear your voice. Or did you know that grandma still watches your guy’s shows? And how she talks about you every time something crazy happens because she knows you secretly loved the drama. Our dog still remembers everything you taught her and I swear she’s always looking out the window because she think’s one day you’ll come back.
It’s hard coming home and having everyone ask me about life when it doesn’t seem fair that there’s so much you don’t get to know. I never got to tell you where I’m going to college, what I ended up studying or what jobs I’ve gotten. I don’t get to ask you for help when I find myself hopeless trying to plan my life after graduation. You don’t know that I learned how to cook, that I cut all of my hair off or that I was able to travel to three other countries. I can’t help but feel guilty telling everyone else how I’m doing when you’re the reason I have become the person I am.
You gave me a home, a sense of direction, and a passion to always want to do good in life. You made be believe that I am a person capable of anything. Although I’m heartbroken because I miss you, I’m thankful to have been able to have had you in my life in the first place.
You taught me “chase your dream but always know the road that will lead you home again.” but sometimes I just don’t want to come home if it doesn’t mean coming home to you.
