To the man who hurt me,
So, when we first got together, you knew the heartache and situation I was in. You watched me break down and cry because of flashbacks of abuse. You watched me doubt myself multiple times because everything my ex said about me ate at me, and you knew I believed every word of his. You knew how easy it would be to break me more than than I had already been broken, and you continued to break me even when I begged you not to.
We had a great first couple of months, and then you did a 180. You changed into the person I never thought you could be. You turned into someone who made the Devil seem sweet. You turned into literally my worst enemy and my worst nightmare. I watched you do things that I never thought I'd see in my life, and as if that wasn't enough, you laid down and made a child with me, knowing you were not going to be there for him/her.
You made me work hard hours and long nights because you didn't want to get clean and get a job. You wanted me to overwork myself, and you got your wish. Finally, when I had all I could take, you started the same thing every other insecure guy does– you cried and begged me not to leave you, even though you knew it was what was best for all three of us.
And no matter how much you cried and begged, I was still strong enough as a woman and mother to leave, which I'm proud of myself for. I was in too deep, but I dug my way out, and that is something you can always hate me for if you choose to. After I left and went back home to my parents, you still weren't done terrorizing me. You constantly asked me for drug money, yelled at me when I didn't talk to you, and you said some of the most selfish things I've ever heard a person say. You even stressed me out to the point where at 12 weeks, I lost our baby.
What happened then? You still didn't care. You didn't ask about your child. You didn't care that your own flesh and blood didn't make it to birth. It didn't phase you or change you at all. But it changed me. And now, I'm sitting here writing you this letter.
However, I do have a few things to thank you for–don't get me wrong. First things first, thank you for giving me a child, even if I only had him or her for a little while. That is something I will never regret with you. Secondly, thank you for showing me the type of treatment I deserve, which is exactly everything you neglected to do. Thirdly and lastly, thank you for leading me to the love of my life. If it hadn't have been for our shitty relationship, which I only call a "situationship", I wouldn't have met the man I now call my fiancé.
Here in a few short months, I will be calling him my husband, and you will forever and always only be a part of my past. You may wonder why I'm writing you this, and that's okay. Part of me hopes you'll read it and change so that the next woman doesn't have to go through what I did. Another part of me wants to thank you for being so horrible to me because it only led me to the man who treats me like a princess. But the final part of me wants to come to terms with the past and agree to leave it exactly where it belongs–behind us.
There are things I will never forgive you for, but there a few things I will always thank you for.
I wish you the best, and I hope you find the one who is great enough to change you. Sorry, not sorry, that I wasn't the one to change you. That wasn't my job, and I'm okay with that.
Sincerely,
The girl who moved on and became stronger
