To the girl who constantly puts herself down:
Even though we've never met, I know you. I understand where you've been. How? Because I was you. Sometimes I still am. I know what it feels like to think you're nothing, to think you make no difference in the world around you, to put yourself down. But you need to stop, and I'll tell you why.
Putting yourself down does nothing to help you go about your day. It just doesn't. These thoughts may be circling your mind, but don't pay them any attention. Because the more you acknowledge them, the more validity you give them. And you don't deserve that.
Allow me to use myself as an example. I was a pretty confident kid until I started being bullied. Then I took all of the insults that were being directed at me and internalized them, until their words became my own thoughts. Instead of hearing their voices, it was only mine, shouting over any other thought I had. You're worthless, you're a failure, you will never be good enough for anyone. It's hard to fend off an attack from yourself, so every day I allowed myself to be the victim of my own barrage of negativity. That's how I lost my own self-confidence, and I doubt that story is unique to me. People aren't born with no confidence or low self-esteem -- it's not conducive to a healthy life. Attitudes like this are created; we are conditioned to think in this way.
But if we are conditioned to the negativity, then we can also be conditioned to love ourselves again. It's hard and takes a conscious effort, but it can be done. Think before you speak -- remove "I'm no good at that" from your vocabulary. Don't let those negative thoughts spill out before you realize what you're saying. Each day -- or week, or however long you need -- try to find something good about yourself and embrace it. Don't compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to your old self and just aim to be better than you were before. And if that doesn't work, fake it till you make it. Because soon you will pick up on those attitudes and they will no longer be fake; they will really become a part of who you are. For a long time I was afraid to be confident for fear of coming off as obnoxious, but that was just another example of my low self-esteem -- I couldn't be confident because everyone would hate me. But that's not the case. Recently I've allowed myself to really love who I am, and it has made my life so much better. And I want you to do the same.
So even though it's hard, know that there are things about you that only you can offer to others. Even though you may slip back into the old habits of negative self-talk, any step forward is a good thing. I still fall into my self-deprecating ways, but I try to put a spin on it to make it a joke; instead of the underlying negativity that my comments used to bring, I have a good time with it now. If this is the case with you, go with it. Attitudes don't change overnight; this is going to be a long process. But it's one for the better -- any time you learn to find acceptance in yourself, you increase the quality of your life. Because it's not enough for other people to like you; you need to like you too. Embrace whatever it is that makes you unique. Take your quirks and make them the best part of yourself. Make yourself interesting. Just find something to love. Trust me, you're worth it.
Sincerely,
The girl who has faith in you
