Dear You,
It's been nine months. You could say the best and the worst nine months of my life.
For the first few months, I seemed to be drowning. Not the kind of drowning one would think. I was left drowning in the memories of us. It was like I was stuck in the ocean, getting pounded by wave after wave, but instead of water, these were waves of memories, of what if's, and what could have been. I was being drowned in my own thoughts. Thoughts that were only brought on by you.
After the first five months had gone by, the waves seemed to have settled, and the tide had gone out. The raging sea had calmed. But little did I know, the sea would rage once again, some days more than others. Weeks would go by and nothing, then suddenly when night fell before me, darkness set in and the sea would rage once again. I longed and begged for peace. I begged for the little boat I was stranded on to be sunk.
But soon the pain left, and I was finally back on shore. Now it's been nine months. I miss you, but the times are few and far between. I do admit when I see couples that have what we had, you do come across my mind. But I don't feel those big, pounding waves anymore. They have lessened to more of wakes.
I hope you felt the same way I did. I feel ashamed to say it, but I really hope you did. Maybe then I would know the love we had was real and was enough to break you like it broke me. I want so badly for you to feel the drowning, bruising waves that I felt. I hope you felt that sinking feeling when our song came on, or when you drove by the place we shared our first kiss.
I hope the pain ends for you, and you find the love of you life elsewhere. I know it won't be me, and that's OK. I used to dread the day you found someone else, but now I don't. You know why? Because now you can love some other girl the same way you loved me. I hope you treat her well, and I hope I don't come up in your thoughts when you lie next to her in bed. She deserves to have all of your love.
Someday I will find someone to replace you, someone to recreate memories with, and make new ones. Someone else who will overwhelm my thoughts, instead of the pain of you leaving. You left me in shambles, stranded in a boat on a roaring sea. But now I rest peacefully on a tropical island because you made the choice to leave. Our love wasn't in God's plans. But one day I will find one that is.
