Hey old friend,

I know it has been a while since we've talked and I know that I am fully to blame for that, but I still want to know that you haven't died or anything. How's life? How's school? How is the girl you ended up with? I'm glad that y'all are happy and having a great time together. I'm actually doing okay, school is always annoying as usual. I know it's stupid of me to say, but I wish we still talked. We kind of just fell off of each other's planets, acting as if the other doesn't exist, but I know you do, because I still wonder about you. I've been holding something in for quite a while that I need to get off of my chest;

I'm sorry I said no to us.

It actually eats me up inside as I think about what we could've had if I wasn't the idiot who said no. Thinking back to that time of my life, I was trying to be someone that I knew in my head I wasn't. Being young and stupid, I didn't know how to handle the ultimate battle of the head saying no versus heart saying yes. You know that with me being the cynical person I am, I chose the head when I should've chosen the heart. "Us" would've been this amazing thing, but I was too stuck in the "what ifs" to actually say it.

You have to know that I actually really did care for you in that way, even though I said I didn't. I wanted us to become something, but I was scared, so I lied. I was scared you would hurt me, I was scared to trust you, I was scared I would actually fall for you which I was not ready for. I wanted you to be happy and I felt that we wouldn't be happy if I wasn't all in. As cheesy as it is to say "it's not you, it's me" it actually was not you at all. This was all my fault, I did not see a good thing when I had it and I let it go.

The thing I regret most, though, is losing the friendship I had with you. You were one of my best friends, you were someone I could always count on and I always knew that you would be up at 3 am if I needed you. I think that could be one of the major reasons I said no because I didn't want to lose the friendship. I guess this is the universe's funny way of getting back at me.

You always hear stories of the boy messing things up, but I know I truly messed this up and for that I will always be sorry. I just need you to know that I will always be there for you. As Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell sing "If you need me, call me, no matter where you are, no matter how far." Even if you never talk to me again, I hope you understand my choice. I'll always be your friend.

Don't be a stranger,

Me. x.