A Letter to The Boy Who Left Me Confused

I don't even know where to begin, there are so many things I think about when I think about us. I think about how I never thought it would go anywhere in the beginning. I think about how for a while I didn't let myself feel anything because I figured it would just end before it became anything. But it didn't end, instead, we had something great and it was going somewhere. At the end of the day, I think the hardest part of this is knowing we were happy and that we were going somewhere but out of nowhere that all went out the window.

When I think of you lately I try to think of the bad, but I can't think of anything. Instead, I think of all the things we didn't do and all the things that were never said. We never got to go skiing, or get sushi, or spend a day in bed being lazy. You never got to spend time with my friends, we never got to go for a hike. I may have gotten to know your favorite color, and your favorite animal yet I don't know the worst thing to ever happen to you or even the best thing. I don't know your family traditions at Christmas and you don't know mine. While we thought we knew each other pretty well, there was still so many conversations to be had. I wish you would've opened up to me in the ways I was starting to open up to you. I was slowly allowing myself to trust because I didn't think you were going anywhere. I thought we had so much more time to get to know each other, that I had more time to ask these questions.

Even though it's been a while I still find myself waiting for you to text me good morning, or tell me about your classes. You're still the person I want to tell about my roommates doing something stupid at one in the morning, the one I wanna talk to about the exciting things happening in my life. And when I think about these things I wonder if you're feeling the same way. I wonder if you're missing me, or wondering how I'm doing. Or was I just the girl who occupied your time?

No matter what I just want you to be happy, and that's the biggest thing. No matter how many questions I still have or all the what ifs. I'll always accept that people and feelings change. The one thing I can't accept however is knowing that you didn't give us enough time. I know one day I'll stop thinking about it all and accept it for what it is, but for now, I'll be here wondering about all the unknowns and trying to make sense of something I don't entirely understand.