This is for the boy who helped me believe love was possible again after multiple failed relationships. That there is a love in this world strong enough to make you and to break you. He helped me see that sometimes you can't stop love from meeting you in a place you least expect it. It fills you back up and you feel like you're 16 again with the thought that you finally found the one. Everyone has had a love like this, a new love, a love full of experience, but also consequence.
I thought I was so lucky, I had found this boy who looked at me like I was everything he needed. I finally thought I would never have to worry about being loved again. I was settled and content, and that's all I really wanted. But sometimes as the seasons change, the person you love dearly changes with it. The boy who was so bright and happy changed into winter, and his heart frosted over. He stopped seeing the light in my eyes, and his heart was trying desperately to survive.
I never gave up on you, but I think over time it was just too hard for you. You stopped loving yourself, and you could no longer love me either. I always needed you more than you needed me, and I wanted you more than you ever wanted me. I focused all my time on making you happy because really my heart just wanted you to be okay. But you pushed me away, you made me feel like the love I was trying to give you was not enough. You stripped away every good memory we had and replaced it with dark nights of silence. There was no more morning smiles and snuggles, only tears and pain with no good sleep. You suffocated me, I tried so hard to save you and let you see what I saw in you. But you could never believe me. I could never win with you.
I began to beat myself up over you, and I felt guilty. I felt worthless and useless. I thought to myself if I can't help him, I can't help anyone. If I can't fix this, I'll never be able to live with myself. I became so determined to fix a broken relationship that was never going to make it out alive. Because it takes two people, it takes two hearts, it takes two to win at love. And at some point, you walked away and left me with my heart in my hands.
I loved you till you broke me. I came to a point of being so drained that I forgot about myself. I was so focused on fixing you, I forgot to fix myself. But you said you loved me and you said you needed me, so I stayed longer and longer. But eventually there was nothing left of me, and the only thing I could do was save myself. You were never going to save me, and I was never going to save you. Sometimes I wish I could understand love and why it takes the turns it does, but sometimes you just have to walk away from a love that is no longer serving you for the best.
Thank you for showing me that I deserve a better love, a love that fills me up and doesn't drain me. A love with smiles and kisses on foreheads—a love that reminds me how beautiful life truly is. Thank you for loving me when you did, and thank you for breaking me because it gave me a chance to rebuild myself. I'll never hate you, and I'll always love you. You were the one that reminded me how worthy I was again, and I will never stop thanking you for that. I hope you find everything you are looking for, and I'm sorry I couldn't love you till you were happy. But one day, I hope you find your happiness. I promise I'll never forget the love we once had.
You may have broken me, but I will never stop fighting for a love that sets my world on fire.
