What is a relationship? That’s a big word for most of us in today’s society; boyfriend, girlfriend, emotions? YUCK! What is it even like to feel and not get hurt now-a-days? Well the truth is, no one can have emotions without getting hurt, and that is what sucks most of all.

In the beginning, you were only convenient. You were a liar, you were mysterious, you were intriguing, and you were popular. But most of all, you were fun.

You weren’t serious at first either, in fact you just wanted sex - which you did not get. Day after day, week after week, month after month, you caught my attention more and more every day. Was it the chase? Was it the “f***boy” in you that drove me absolutely insane? Was it the constant teasing? Was it your hot and cold tendencies? Or was it what we both kept secret from one and other from our late nights apart?

Now things are different. I get butterflies whenever you call my name or look me in my eyes, and you smile and laugh whenever you hold a conversation with me. I cannot stand to sleep alone and I miss you when you're not around.

I believed that I wanted you - all of you, every hour, and all the time. But now I am second guessing that it may not be true.

Relationship - what a terrifying word. As it rolls off your lips, it numbs my body and it trembles my mind. How sudden and unexpected are these feelings of yours, the love you feel that I do not comprehend. How dare you confront me with this decision to make all on my own. I did believe once that we would be fun. The idea of me and you together at last would be everything I had ever wanted during my first semester, but now I am thinking that I am almost lost and cannot be found.

I am still finding myself, and there are so many places left to look. And honestly, I'm quite unsure if you are able to accompany me on this journey of mine. I have never felt so lost and dazed as I do in this moment, thinking about committing myself to you emotionally. And that is only because I no longer thought I could feel, or if it was even appropriate to have these feelings of mine that you consistently make me feel.

I did not plan to waste your time. And I don't want to lose my laughter when the sunlight falls below the horizon, but it isn't fair for me to see the moon during the day too. I do feel for you, and I do care, but maybe not in the same sense as you do for me. I'm not ready right now, and I am not sure when I will be, but I am sure that I will never want to not know who you are or what your favorite song is. But as of now, I know that is something I have to give that up.

I will miss you, and the little taste of love we have encountered. When I think about college, I will forever think of you. When I think about midnight study dates and McDonald’s french fries, you will be the person who comes to mind. But for now, I cannot be unfair to you any longer and I need to set you free. Find someone with the same intentions you have, but please, do not forget about me.