"If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it'll cause problems. Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there." -- Mark Sloan, "Grey's Anatomy"

Thinking back, I always thought you would just be that kid down the street who would constantly annoy me and trick me into hanging out with you. You had that squeaky voice and probably the longest hair I had ever seen on a boy at that point. However, I never thought you would become my best friend and I never thought that you would be someone I fell in love with. This probably had to do with the fact that I was seven and you were five, but that is beyond the point.

I didn't know I loved you until I knew it. It was one of those things I had questioned for a long time. Love is complicated and the fact that you're a little bit younger than me made it more complicated, and the truth is it also made it more difficult for me to decipher what I was feeling.

A best friend is someone who has your back, someone who will always be there for you, and that is what we were to each other. You were that friend who would call the guys who broke my heart and go off on them and I was that girl who would tell you that you deserved better than what was being handed to you by the girls you were going after. You were my person and you will always be my person.

You always had a habit of telling me that on my wedding day you would be there to say 'I object,' but I never understood why you would say that. But I honestly believe the reason behind it was more than just because you wanted to make me angry. We always had little fights and disagreements. Our friendship was far from perfect. I never knew why I was so quick to do things for you when you basically demanded me to do them for you, like make you an omelet at 3 A.M. so you wouldn't give me the silent treatment on vacation. I never wanted us to get to that point where we hated each other, because that just wasn't who we were. When we had problems in our personal lives we would go to each other and talk it out, and there were also the less meaningful things like when we would be watching a scary movie and you would end up on my lap screaming like a little girl.

When it came down to it, I would do anything for you and I still would. Since the day I met you, I would drop everything for you and I still would. When you made me angry all I had to do was stomp my foot and point my finger at you and you would get the memo. You may be two years younger than me, but your maturity level has always been about the same as mine, we were able to act our age but we had our moments where we would still act like kids. Before I knew it you weren't demanding me to make you food but you were demanding me to give you a foot rub.

The only person who hates the fact that I love you more than I do is most likely you. But the thing is, I love you, I always have. I love everything about you, even the things I hate. I can't sleep and I can't breathe and I can't eat because I love you all of the time. Sometimes I forget that I do because I wish I didn't and I am so sorry for that. What hurts the most is that I lost my best friend and it had nothing to do with the fact that I am in love with you. It's been almost two years since we've had a real conversation face to face and it seems I will never know what happened between us. But the thing is, I've let the cat out of the bag and whether we ever speak again or not, I will always consider you as my best friend and my favorite person, you will always be my person. Love is messy and it's even more messy that we used to be best friends and one of your best friends fell for you, but we got through every fight and every downfall and I believe one day you will gravitate back towards me. I believe that one day I will get my best friend back.

If we never speak again I want you to know how much I appreciate you and how grateful I am to have been best friends with you for 13 years, to have someone in my life who always had my back. Believe me, if I could get another 13 years with you as my best friend I know things would be a lot easier, because since I lost you, I haven't had one person to go to about my life who would react the way you did.

Thank you for being such a wonderful person that I was able to love, thank you for being my person, and thank you for being who you are. The guy I knew was the most amazing guy I knew, I watched you grow up, I watched you experience heart break, and I hope that one day you see that who you used to be is the best version of yourself.