Dear fellow people-pleasers,
I'm not sure if it's just me, but a New Year's Resolution of mine, probably since the beginning of time, has been to stop caring as much about what people think of me. And I'll be honest, that never happens. I see some of my friends go through life with an 'I don't care what people think' attitude, and they seem the most confident and happy. One of my biggest insecurities has always been if people like me, do they find me annoying? Do they actually want to be my friend? I've perpetually had that one friend, even when I was a little kid, who could do no wrong in the eyes of others. That one 'blessed' friend, who seemed to win over everyone. Those friends of mine have somehow always made me feel like I am not easy to get along with, or even unlikeable. Truthfully, that is my fault, not theirs. And because of that insecurity, that's why I'm a people pleaser.
I have come up with a list of four things a people pleaser like myself should reflect on more often.
1. Not everyone will like me, and that's OK.
Wondering if, and being scared that people won't like me, has been a focal point of my life since I was in high school. And thinking about it now, I realize I could have been spending my time much more wisely. Because, at the end of the day, I would rather be happy, be myself, and have the genuine friends I have. Not seem happy, be fake, and have millions of acquaintances who really aren't my friends.
2. Caring what others think will only benefit others.
When people know you are overly sensitive about what others think, they can use that as ammunition. I might be in a fight with someone, or not on the best terms, that person could suck up to everyone around me, and make me feel isolated. Because I care so much what others think, they had the perfect weapon against me. It's happened before, and it has sucked. People want to get a reaction, so don't give it to them.
3. Being a people-pleaser won't make you more well-liked.
People-pleasers want to be seen as perfect, so they put up a persona. For example, I was quiet and shy because I wanted to not be my annoying, genuine self, but I was perceived as snobby and aloof. I think people-pleasers have good intentions, but sometimes those good intentions make us seem and feel unauthentic.
4. Never diminish yourself to let others win.
Some people will have your back no matter what, whether you're at your highest, or lowest. I have noticed in my life, there are some people who seem to be the happiest when I'm low. People-pleasers, please don't avoid competition to maintain friendships. If success hinders a friendship, then it isn't healthy for either party.
This has all been a learning experience, and I accept that I will always somewhat care what people think. But is that always a bad thing? I don't think so. I may be a people pleaser, but that has helped me develop empathy. I care what people think, because I care about people, and that's a positive quality people-pleasers have. Should most people-pleasers grow a thicker skin? Definitely. That takes time, but isn't impossible. At the end of the day, being yourself is the best thing to do.
