To my younger brothers,
I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately. The photos I see of you posted on my parents’ Facebook pages make me wish I were there with you. I know I’ve only been gone for two months, but it feels like a lifetime. You would think that by my junior year of college I would become used to not being at home. I am used to it, for the most part, but there is an empty space in my dorm room not filled with your artwork, your laughs, your little butts on my bed.
I wish I were there to see you grow up. Mr. B, you are 5 already, and it feels like only yesterday that I was chasing you around the house when you were crawling on hands and knees. It’s been even longer since that time for you, Mr. A. It’s even scarier thinking that you, J, are halfway done through high school when I clearly remember your kindergarten graduation. The photos and videos I have of us together are never enough, and if I had it my way, I would stow you in my luggage during winter break and take you all to college with me.
It’s difficult being the oldest sometimes. How do I lead by example when I’m a thousand miles away? I sometimes foolishly think that after a semester away you will have forgotten me, or that we may not connect as well, or love each other as much. Every single time I come home you prove me wrong. You smile brighter and hug me tighter, and I smile back, always promising to be back home soon when I leave.
I feel lucky to have younger brothers, to simultaneously see you all grow up and feel like a child again myself. I am thankful for that feeling because with all of the stress of school, internships, and becoming an adult I am constantly reminded of the simple joys in life. Because of my little brothers, I am reminded of how important it is to play as hard as I work, to treat everyone as a friend, and that Goldfish are actually the best after-school snack in the world.
Most of all, you teach me about myself. I’d like to think I’ve given good advice to you over the years: about friendships, homework, how to spell and read and write and create and love. I look back, and growing up is hard. I’m not going to lie to you now and tell you that it isn’t. But whatever crap goes on in my life disappears when I think of the goodness I have at home. That’s what really matters.
You matter to me more than anyone else in the world, and I hope you remember that -- every single day I see you and every day I don’t. Your older sister is always here for you, for everything. Always remember that.
So, so, so much love,
Lauren
