I know it isn't possible to put a stamp on an envelope addressed for beyond the clouds. I know I can't send a letter to Heaven. I also understand that my letter is going to have different memories and different words than your letter. However, I know that you miss your special person too. I know it is a deep, sharp pain in your heart when you get excited to call someone and tell them something, but can't. I hope that in reading my letter to my Papa, you think about your special someone. I hope that this brings you back in time when they were here and the world was a little bit more whole. I am also sorry in advanced if this makes you cry—I sure did.

Hey Papa!

Can you believe it is already the end of January, 2016? Time has sure flown since you earned your wings! I am so sorry for not being there, I was very afraid of losing you and death really scared me. I regret that every single day. I know that isn't an excuse though. If someone were to ask me my biggest regret, it would be not hugging you and giving you a kiss one last time before you left. I kept that in for a very long time, but finally opened up about it and cried—a lot.

There is so much that has changed here. It has been so long since the last time we talked, so let me give you a quick rundown of current events. Remember Hilary Clinton, Bill's wife? She is running for president. Awful, I know. If you can get a word in with God, tell him that is a horrible idea and not to let that happen! There is a lot of chaos in the world right now, it is actually becoming a very scary place to be. But I know you are watching over me and I am so thankful for that. I feel so much safer knowing you are my guardian angel.

We miss you down here more than you could ever imagine! Our family is doing marvelously. Daddy got a new job and is home so much more often! Momma is doing really well and Sissy just got her license! We are moving too, so that Nanny can live with us! I graduated high school and then moved away from home to go to East Carolina for school! My major is nursing, but I have about a year left before I can apply to nursing school officially. I am still doing all of my undergraduate classes; they suck. I have a boyfriend now! I think you would really like him because he is very hilarious and outspoken just like you were! You would also be very glad to hear that he doesn't me get down on myself. He makes sure that I believe in myself, like "The Little Engine That Could." Remember that story? I used to love reading that with you over and over again! Everything is changing and it doesn't feel right you not being here for them.

Sometimes I just sit and talk to you, I don't know if you can hear me or not but it feels comforting to be able to tell you things. While everything around me is changing, there are a lot of things that are still the same. I still don't eat from that Italian place in the mall because we ate there the night you had your stroke. I still love glitter, singing my heart out, and having the center stage to tell stories or make people smile! I can't play softball anymore because my knees are too worn, but I still think about having you come to my games when I was little. I remember looking into the bleachers and making sure you were watching before I stepped up to the plate! Although I am turning 19 this year, I still feel as though I am nine years old and sitting on your lap talking about anything that came to mind!

I am sorry for crying while I am writing this. I know you would wipe my tears and tell me not to, but I just can't help it. I hope that this letter brings you peace of mind knowing that all is well down here on Earth! I can't say that I am excited to be in Heaven with you, because I still feel like I have a lot to do before I go. However, I can say that you are greatly missed and I do wish I could see you more than anything. Come visit me in my dreams sometimes if you are allowed to do that!

I love you so very much.

-Jordan