Dear My Sister’s Husband,
First I want to say congratulations! You won the lottery. My sister is cool. She may be the coolest person alive, but don’t tell her I told you that. She is funny, smart and absolutely gorgeous.
Second, good luck. I’m not sure if you were aware, but you’re not just marrying her. You’re marrying the entire family. I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, but we’re pretty crazy. Our mom is nuts and our dad is overprotective. We shout when we’re excited, angry, or just having a casual conversation-I apologize in advance if you’re the quiet type, our dynamic can be a little jarring.
Speaking of my dad, let me give you the low-down so you’re prepared. He’s a nice guy, don’t worry, but he’s going to make sure that you’re right for his little girl. Be friendly and respectful and you’ll be just fine. Oh, and if you have any piercings, tattoos or an interesting haircut, make sure you cover or remove all of it until you’re married and he has no choice but to keep you around.
A quick note on my mom: she’s a little standoff-ish but she’ll warm up eventually. Make sure you shake her hand, don’t hug her. She won’t hate you if you hug her; she’s just not a hugger. It’s from our mom that we get our sass.
Back to my sister, she’s a little insane, but don’t worry it’s the good kind of insane. She talks a mile a minute and always has something to say. She makes friends everywhere she goes. She’s not the kind of girl that needs constant reinforcement. She’s independent and confident so just let her do her own thing every once in a while. You know how they say that girls are passive-aggressive? Yeah, my sister? Not so much. She will tell you exactly when and why she’s upset; you’ll never have to play the guessing game.
She’s passionate. If something is important to her she cares about it 110 percent. She’s really smart but will never rub it in your face. She’s curious and loves experiencing new things. She’s a picky eater, which can get kind of annoying every once in a while. Oh and she’s absolutely tone deaf. Her biggest fault, however, is her love for Justin Bieber. Other than that she’s a catch!
If my sister chose you to be her husband then you’re a great guy. But if you hurt my sister, just know you’ll have to deal with me and our two brothers.
My sister is unpredictable. You will never be bored, that I can promise you. Welcome to our crazy family. You’ve made the right choice.
Love,
The Cool Sister-in-law
