To My Mental Illnesses, you can't control me anymore

To My Mental Illnesses, you can't control me anymore

I will not let you control me any longer.

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To my depression, you can't control my life anymore.

There have been many times where I have let you completely destroy my relationships with my closest friends, destroy a wonderful week, and destroy aspects of my relationship with my lover and family members. You've taken over my life, but I'm giving it to God, so you can't control me anymore. I am worthy of living. I am going to be successful. I am going to live a wonderful life and have a beautiful family, and I will not let you convince me any differently.

To my anxiety disorder, you can't convince me that I am unwanted anymore.

Anxiety has been my biggest struggle for the longest. Meds don't make you disappear, but that's okay. I know now that I am, in fact, very loved and cherished by my friends. I know that I am not a burden to my family or friends, despite how hard you try and convince me otherwise. I will not let you keep me from going places I have always loved going to, because I am afraid of how someone may look at me. I won't let you make me lose my beautiful hair ever again.

You have controlled my life for so long, but I am slowly learning to take it back into my own hands with the help of my closest friends, my significant other, my family, and God.

I have to keep reminding myself that things do and will get better with time. I have to remember to pray about things beyond my control instead of worrying myself sick. I love the person I am slowly finding myself to be, and I wouldn't change it for the world. I am finding more confidence in myself than I have felt in years, and I will not let that be ripped away from me.

So as a final say to my mental illnesses,

I will get better. I am loved. I am beautiful, and eventually, you will never make me feel any less than that, ever again.

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won't see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won't laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won't go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They'll miss you. They'll cry.

You won't fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won't get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won't be there to wipe away your mother's tears when she finds out that you're gone.

You won't be able to hug the ones that love you while they're waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won't be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won't find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won't celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won't turn another year older.

You will never see the places you've always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You'll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges, and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it's not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don't let today be the end.

You don't have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It's not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I'm sure you're no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won't do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you'll be fine." Because when they aren't, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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To The Friend Who's Struggling, I'm Here For You

I won't pretend like I know what you're going through, but I want you to know that I'm here.

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There are no words that can make the hurt you feel go away, but that's not going to stop me from trying the best way I know how.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.

I wish there was something I could do to take all your pain away and make you feel the way you used to.

Depression is an evil thing and even though I don't know what you're going through, I want you to know that I believe you.

You're not crazy and you're not making it all up for attention. You're hurting in a way that I can't even imagine, but I need you to know that it's not your fault.

There's nothing you did to deserve this and there's nothing you could have done to prevent this.

Please know that you're not alone.

You have been there for me at my worst moments and I'm going to be here for you now.

You are so loved and the ones that love you won't leave you, I promise.

You have made such a difference in my life and I can't fathom life without you.

You aren't weak, you are strong and when this is all over, I'll still be here and so will you.

If you want to talk about how you're feeling I'll listen. I'm sorry I didn't notice you hurting sooner, I will never do that again.

You're not a burden to anyone around you, we are here because we love you and nothing in this world will ever make us stop loving you.

You are too strong to let it win.

Please let me know when you need me, and I will be by your side.

You can do this. You will get through this. You are strong as hell.

I love you.

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