Dear First Love,
I remember the exact moment I realized that I had fallen in love with you. The second it all came crashing down on me, it was almost too overwhelming to handle. I was scared and excited all at once. I knew in that moment that you had so much power over my heart.
You taught me a lot. For the first time I knew what it felt like to love and be loved in a relationship. It wasn't just something you watch in the movies or read in the books anymore, it was real. Our love was incredibly overwhelming and consuming. You filled my thoughts and my dreams. Things changed when you came around. It almost seemed like the world got a little brighter. Your call or text could easily turn a bad day around. Your touch was something I almost craved. Sometimes a hug from you was all I needed.
You listened and then you talked. You offered advice and you let your walls down for me. You sat in front of me and listened to me cry about the things that hurt my heart the most. You allowed me to see pieces of your heart that others hadn't seen. As time moved forward we almost seemed to stand still, wrapped up in whatever we were discussing that day. We shared books and songs and vacation gifts. Little pieces of ourselves given away to the other.
We smiled. We smiled a lot. When I think back and remember your face most of the time there is a smile on it. It was always amazing to me that my smile could make you smile just as easily as yours made me smile. It was an endless cycle of smiling that led to even more laughter. Gosh, we laughed about everything. We made fun of each other, we made fun other people, of music and books and authors. I don't remember a time that we were together when we didn't laugh at least once.
We felt comfortable. There came a time when make up and cute clothes were no longer required. I was beautiful to you either way. Sickness didn't keep us away from each other. Weird quirks, strange topics and insecurities didn't change that we loved each other. They didn't change that we were comfortable with each other. The little things were so easily overlooked.
And then things changed. You moved away and we moved apart. Things got complicated. We both stopped fighting. We both gave up. Things ended, not really because we wanted them to but mostly because that was what was easiest. Things got in the way. We didn't fight the obstacles anymore. The thing I've realized in the time since then is that just because things end doesn't mean love does.
I loved you then and I love you still. A piece of me always will. Everyday I pray for your happiness. I hope that one day you can find the love that will last forever, the one that is overwhelming and consuming and everything I couldn't be enough of. I hope that you find it, whatever IT is for you. I hope that you know that I am so proud of you and the person you've become without me. I always told you that you would be great and you are. Whatever it takes, find your happy. Be a teacher like you always wanted or don't if that's not your thing anymore. Be you and be great. Know that I am here no matter what even at 2 a.m.
OK?
Love Always,
Me
