You are one of the most beautiful people I will ever know, inside and out—and you know that I’m brutally honest. For lack of a less cringe-worthy expression, the world is literally your oyster. Start acting like it.
It took me far too long to realize something that seems so simple when spoken aloud: if you say what you’re thinking and act as you wish, you quickly find that your entire world becomes that much closer to being everything you want. Stop worrying so much about what other people want—especially when they would never do the same to you. Once you realize someone or something is toxic, you overcame the hardest step of demolishing fantasy. So walk away. Sorry to be tacky and awkward, again, but take the world by it’s balls. I seriously hate that saying, but it couldn’t be more true. Go after what you want. Follow your gut instincts. Don’t let anyone treat you as a lesser person than them, because it is a damn shame that you began to forget how irreplaceable you are. Losing your way—and unfortunately some parts of yourself—is part of growing up, but I’m here to help you find your way back.
You will never be more beautiful and less burdened than you are right now. Start acting like it. For all of the hype of college, it’s really not the time to make the most outrageous mistakes; it’s more of a time to discover who you really want to be. Fortunately for you, you’re not there yet. So let your hair down, take too many shots, give the people who deserve it a piece of your mind, and skinny dip with your best friends. Streak on your high school football field in the dead of night; it’ll be hilarious right now, but kind of creepy and questionable in a few years. Don’t get caught. You’re hiding away right now, but you should be mastering the art of balancing poise and delinquency. While this is the opposite talk that I should be giving you in terms of “good advice,” this is the talk that will ultimately result in your feeling the most fulfilled when you look back. I know what it’s like to have found my soul mates at the age of nine, but I want you to know what it feels like to reflect with them all of the time on absurd memories made in high school, and laugh until you cannot breathe. They will be your partners in crime for the rest of your life. Start joining in on the fun, and stop paying mind to what anyone else thinks of it.
Which not-so-subtly leads me to this: don’t waste a second on an oppressive relationship right now (or ever). Don’t let a boy influence your lifestyle when he doesn’t even know what your best interest is—let alone have it at heart. I don’t mean to degrade you or what you have for a second; I know how that felt and it was infuriating. But what I will tell you is that a lot of high school relationships feel like forever in the moment. Maybe yours is, but maybe it isn’t, and you need to acknowledge the latter more when you’re molding your entire life to appease a selfish boy. You saw what that did to me, and even as a little girl you asked me every day why I wanted to be with him. Why was I letting him push me around? Why was I waiting on him when I was so clearly too good for him? What did I see in him? He was so bland—such an as*hole. Now I know how you felt. As you grow older, there are more outside forces influencing mistakes. Sometimes someone who loves you does something wrong that hurts you worse than you knew you could hurt. You’ll find yourself at a crossroad, and that person will drop everything to ensure that you still choose his path. Instant remorse will follow that mistake—along with a revelation inducing change for the better. That’s what someone does when they love you purely. They do not linger on their mistake, let it fester with you, and toss up in the air whether they even care if you forgive them. When someone hurts you, you should never find yourself on his doorstep begging for answers. He will make it right immediately, and if he doesn’t, that isn’t love. It’s infatuation with the idea of it all. You’re chasing after what you hoped you had. Believing in forever with someone is so comforting. You feel like the hard part is over for you: you have your person, you know where you’re going, you’ve seen it all and felt it all and you’ll never be hurt again. But you can’t depend on attaining that as a child. And you definitely can’t find forever in someone who tries to inhibit your shine, tries to influence who you are rather than love you unconditionally, tries to shield you from anything and anyone else that could make you feel as much as he does. You’re chasing after the wrong experiences at the wrong time from the wrong people. Cherish your friends; let a man fall in love with you for the person that you become after all of this.
Make all of the monumental decisions that you’re facing with only two things in mind: you and your family. Choose the major that will be most satisfying to you: what you excel in, what will earn you a great job, what you enjoy spending time on. Don’t pick your college major based on advice from someone who won’t be sitting in those classes, taking those tests, meeting those professors. Pick a school that is everything. You are brilliant and stunning and kind. The world will fall to its knees for you. Do not settle for less than perfection in a school—and definitely do not surround yourself with thousands of people just to be with one. I’d be lying if I said I knew a single person who picked a college because of a high school sweetheart, and was remotely pleased with the outcome. Pick a place that’s worthy of you—that is extraordinary. Pick a place that rewards all of the hard work that you put in to being an outstanding student your entire life. Pick your place, and allow yourself exposure to types of people that you didn’t even know could exist, before you proclaim “forever” to one.
I can assure you this: when I am away at school, I ache for three things. My family, my home, and my five best friends on the planet. There were good days and bad days at first as I let go of the rest, but new interests filled my time, new people filled my heart, and every day I felt like I had less to miss. I don’t mean to be so obnoxiously blunt, but you are making a foolish mistake that you will regret for a long time by putting the wrong people before your family. Maybe you’re not valuing them or prioritizing them higher, per say—I know how big your heart is and how much you love your family. But that said, I know who receives all of your time. You will go away to college, and you will miss your family. You will get your own place and your own job, and you will miss your family. You will build your own family, and you will miss the rest of your family. You’ll ache for your parents’ advice, the nuisance of your siblings, the comfort of your dog. These are the last years you are offered to embrace the presence of your family, and you are not present for them.
Find out who you are on your own. What makes you happy—not who. What do you want? What are you looking for? What do you deserve? You have to leave your comfort zone in order to become aware of the wonders that the world has to offer—especially to someone of your magnitude.
You will always be my “mini-me” and I will always love you the most, which is why I’m promising you this: you don’t have the faintest clue how much excellence you are capable of attaining—of achieving. It is about time that you start finding out.
