Grab a chair. Sit down. Listen.
I am not going to “slam” you. I am not going to call you names or ridicule you. I am not going to tell you how mean you were to me and how I deserved so much better than you, even though I did. I am not going to poke fun and make jabs. But I am going to give you a piece of my mind.
Ready? It’s not what you think, I promise. Okay. Here it goes.
Thank you.
To the one that is still a great friend, if you’re reading this, know that I still adore you and I truly hope you find the woman of your dreams. Thank you for being so gentle with me. Thank you for showing me the kind of man I wanted. I’m sorry I wasn’t ready when it was you. I’m sorry I hurt you. You’re a wonderful man. Know that.
To the rest: I tried to hate you. I tried all those times when my heart was on the floor and I tried when you were the one who put it there for the very last time. I tried a month later when I was picking myself up and moving on. I tried years later when I was done with you and forgot about the majority of our relationship. I tried. And I failed. Remember when I couldn’t admit defeat? Look how strong I am now. That’s not because of you, it’s because of me. But still, I will thank you because you made me realize all that I was capable of. I saw the fault in you and held on anyway, but you saw one and ran. That’s okay, I know that commitment is scary. We were young, and still are, and have so much learning left to do, but thank you for the all the lessons.
The fact is, though, I don’t hate you. If you called me, I would find it weird but I would answer because it means you need a friend. I won’t go out of my way to see you. Never again. But I would answer. I told you if you needed me, I would answer. And I keep my promises.
Know that you hurt me. The nights when I was a puddle on the floor because the boy that was supposed to hold me let me fall, or I figured out that you were never holding on in the first place. After you, I felt used. And neglected. And when you said you loved me, I made excuses as to why I didn’t feel it. I knew I should have, but now...I know it wasn’t love. It was just the closest thing we ever felt to it. And maybe not. I think we just wanted it so badly that we pretended. Whatever the case was, thank you. I learned so much from you. I learned that I am SO strong. And SO smart. And funny and beautiful and….
The list goes on and on. So, again, thank you. You did that. But you did it through making me feel inferior. So, I taught myself. Because I am enough. And I DID deserve so much better than what you gave me.
Sincerely,
Someone who finally feels truly happy.
