To my Evil Sister,
Why do you have to be so mean to me? You are the older sister. I get it; you are the favorite. Full time job with benefits, blah blah blah. Meanwhile, I am the only child with a bachelor’s degree.
You are not perfect in the least sense at all. You are far from it. You really have to take out that stick up your ass. You are cruel and unkind. Your words hurt and are uncalled for.
Older sisters are supposed to love, share, give advice, and motivate their younger siblings. When you are young kids who bicker, it’s a natural thing.
But what happens when you get older? The bickering is supposed to quit. At least that’s what happens in “normal” families.
There are so many things that I know about you that could easily throw you under the bus, but I won’t do that. I am better than that.
There was a time when we were actually friends -- my first year of college when I was 8 hours away. We texted all the time, and you even gave me a surprise visit. Woah! What changed? The dynamic and our relationship has literally crashed and died since then.
Someone who I haven’t spoken to in over a year doesn’t deserve to be a part of my life anymore. I always seem to be the better person by saying “I’m sorry” first. But this is different. I cannot say sorry for the things she has done or said to me.
She is not only at fault, so am I. Her hateful words got my vile comebacks as well. Two can play that game, I guess. It’s almost as if it is a competition on who can be nastier in the conversations we used to have.
There was once a time when we were in the living room and we were talking about something, and mom was in the room. I honestly don’t remember the topic of the conversation, but I do remember that I wanted to strangle you at that moment in time. It took a lot for me to keep my cool and not tackle to you the floor and beat you up so hard. That is how furious you made me, and still make me. But since mom was in the room that is what kept my composure for the most part.
I am not asking for you to become my best friend. Because there are a lot of feelings that need to be sorted out between us. We need to come up with some sort of compromise. I mean we haven’t spoken in over a year, no hurt words to each other and no nasty comments to one another through text. That’s actually a good thing. Maybe that is a step in the right direction. But who makes the first move? The indication of some sort of apology or some sort of suggestion that we can actually be cordial with one another?
I am trying to remember the last time we actually spoke and had an interaction with each other, and I just remembered, it was at Grandma’s funeral. 10/13/14. I held your hand as our mother stood at the podium and read your eulogy. I was actually pissed about this. Maybe because again, everyone loved it, congratulated you on what you wrote, said it was beautiful, and it was as if you won an award for best eulogy ever written. Oh my god, stop being so picture-perfect! But anyway, it had to take our Grandmother dying for us to let bygones be bygones and forget that deep down inside we actually hated each other. They say death and a baby’s birth are the two things that bring people together.
So what do we do from here? Start over, clean slate? Tell each other how we really feel, put everything behind us (gone and forgotten), move on with our lives just as we are at the moment, or what?
What I want is for both of us to say, “I’m sorry” not judge each other’s lives and move on with our lives by starting a clean slate with each other. Baby steps to hopefully a future like Mom and Aunt Mary’s relationship.
Sincerely yours,
Your baby sister
