Dear Dad,

It's so hard to believe that it has been 6 years since I lost you. 6 years ago, on October 8th, I woke up knowing that I was going to see you when we got to the beach house that evening. As soon as we arrived, I rushed to put on my bathing suit to join you in the hot tub on that chilly evening. I noticed you were not really talking that much, but I just figured you were tired or something. I was 13, little did I know I was going to be losing you that night.

I remember losing you like it happened yesterday. I remember exactly how I felt when mom came up to us and said you were gone. In that moment I felt my heart break, as tears ran down my face. I remember being so angry because I did not get to say goodbye to you. I remember questioning God with tears in my eyes asking Him "why?". I remember feeling broken inside as I went to bed for the first time with you gone. What was my life going to be like now?

You did so much for me as I was growing up, but I never said thank you as much as I should have. Thank you for working hard to provide for our family. Even though I did not see you a lot during the week because of your long hours, I look back now that I am older and I am inspired. I hope I am as hard working and successful as you when I get older. Thank you for making my childhood unforgettable. Thank you for taking me out to do special things on the weekends even if it was just going to Home Depot and after, getting lunch. I am so appreciative of that one on one time I got with you. Every time I hear "Stereo Hearts" by Gym Class Heroes on the radio I cry. It reminds me of the times we spent driving around in the car together. I will never forget all the weekends we spent at the beach house in Anna Maria, getting up early and going fishing, working in the yard for hours, and building sandcastles on the beach. I look back and smile at all those little moments. I just wish we could make more of those memories.

You taught me one of the biggest lessons in life, and it was how to earn and save money. We had a big backyard in Anna Maria and I am so grateful for all those days I spent bundling up sticks and bagging the coconuts. I really only worked in the backyard with you because I wanted to spend time with you, but at the end of the day you would put money on my bed and tell me that I earned it for all my hard work. To this day, when I make money I put half in savings and half in my wallet to spend. Thank you for teaching me that lesson, it is a lesson that I will teach my kids one day.

These past 6 years have been so different, and pretty hard. High school was a really confusing time just trying to adjust to those first few years without you. Friends came and went, and I was pretty lonely. I struggled a lot, but in those years I grew stronger. I put up a wall to protect myself from feeling hurt. I started going to youth group to grow my faith in God, and I battled through a little bit of depression throughout high school, just trying to figure out how to live without you.

I am a sophomore in college now, and you would be so proud of me if you were here. I have made amazing friends in these past semesters in college. I found an amazing church, and my faith in God grows more and more every day. My support system is one that I never had before coming to FGCU. I have met such uplifting friends here who constantly support me, walk beside me in my walk with Christ, and pray for me. I wish you could be here to meet them. I still struggle in college without you, but I know you are always by my side. I was happy to see you in my dreams the other night, I needed that little visit, and it gave me the strength and motivation to keep on moving forward.

You always talked about taking me to Oregon where you grew up, and sadly you never were able to. You would be happy to know that I have been going to Oregon almost every year since you passed away. We met your sister at your funeral and I started flying up to stay with them. I got to see the house where you grew up, and the lake house where you spent a lot of your time as a child. I feel so close to you in Oregon, and can completely see you living there. I now see why you loved it so much. I am going back in November to stay with one of my best friends, and I wish you could be here to come with me, and show me all of your favorite places. This will be my first year spending a holiday up there, and I have mixed emotions about it, but I know, without a doubt, that you will be looking down on me, smiling.

These past few years without you haven't been easy, but I have grown. I am no longer afraid to feel, or show emotion. I have become strong enough to ask friends for help if I know I need it. I will always allow your memory to carry on through me. I can't wait to tell my kids stories of me growing up with you. I will always them to know who you were even though they will never be able to meet you. I live this life for me, but every breath I take I take one for you to. You left a legacy on this Earth, and I will always do my best to carry it out. I will miss you forever, and I will never forget what you did for me. A piece of my heart will always be with you until we are able to meet again. I love you, dad.

Love,

TayTay