Dear Cousin-in-law,
No matter how much you try, you will never be known as my cousin-in-law. I figured the game you were playing with my family when you first stepped into the room wearing your little Chinese dress that my uncle apparently gave you to welcome you into the family. You did not have to go around the room blabbering about how the dress looked “great” on you and “have a great feeling that my family is going to love you”. I think you should know that his dad preferred him to marry within our own race because we share similar values as well as similar cultures. He wanted to keep the family tradition alive, but apparently your deception caused him to accept the choice his son made; not because he likes you.
But welcome to the family, where boys are more important than girls. If you are going to talk about how great your life is, they will respond, “So is your cousin’s. He graduated from UCLA and is now a computer engineer. Why can’t you be like him?” Then, they kill the clock boasting about how the other cousin is better than you. If you thought making your family proud was easy, I recommend you spend the whole day to talk to mine because I want you to know how I feel since you are considering yourself part of our family. I want you to feel how I feel when my family tells me that my success is worthless. I want you to feel how I feel when my family doesn’t think you belong in the family because I’m half Castilian. I want you to feel how I feel when my family tells me that going on point in ballet is elementary. I want you to feel how I feel when someone is using their family member for money.
I hope you understand that you got yourself into a family that only pays attention to you only because you so happen to be the wife of the oldest nephew. Even though my family accepts you, they don’t think you will blend in with our culture. I have to agree with them because you never took the time to learn about our traditions because your ego is so huge that you’re floating in space. Sure I accept interracial relationships because I am in one as well, but I don’t accept your constant lying about your interests and your dumbfounded life portrayed to be a happy ending of a fairytale. When you told me that you liked classic rock, volleyball, and ballet, I became suspicious. In order to see if you were telling the truth, I asked you which ballet play is always popular during Christmas time. You didn’t know the answer. It was The Nutcracker. You’re very welcome. Then you asked my dad what kind of music he likes and he responded with the golden sixties. You said you liked that music and agreed with everything my dad said about how great the sound vibes are to wishing more people know about the sixties era. Why? You don’t even know a single thing about the sixties since your pretentious family would rather listen to Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift. I saw your luggage and your Justin Bieber shirt so don’t lie to me. You are a fraud and I am probably the only person that knows it. The difference between you and me is that I don’t constantly brag about my accomplishments. The accomplishments that you told the family are marrying my cousin and becoming a teacher. Is that really all you have to talk about? I think you only married him because he makes a lot of money. You knew he was suma cumlaude at Virginia Tech and his career as a computer engineer. If he didn’t accomplish anything, you probably would’ve never married him, your very first boyfriend. You’re a gold digger, a liar, and an egotistical maniac.
Since divorce is out of the question, I hope my cousin will be smart enough to get an annulment when he finds out who you really are. However, if there’s one last thing I would say to you before I never speak to you is this: Take care of my cousin.
From your cousin-in-law
