I never thought that it would happen to me, especially not by you. I heard stories of girls getting molested, and I felt sorry for them, but I never thought I would be one of them. You were one of the most important men in my life. You have been in my life, for as long as I can remember. After all, you are my mother's best friend. Every time you came around it was a celebration, because you were a truck driver we didn't see you often. That one night, you changed my life. You changed who I was/am. Nothing has really ever been the same since that one night.

That night, You had come to visit us, after such a long time. Mom told me you would be there that evening, and I got so excited. I was always excited to see you; I loved you. You always seemed to make everything in my life seem okay. I was only eight years old, so you can imagine the type of excitement I felt when I was told you were coming to visit. When you pulled up in our driveway, in grandma's car, I was filled with joy. I ran to you, and jumped into your arms. I felt so safe in that moment. You smiled at me and said "Hi Beautiful, I missed you." Everything was so perfect to me, and I didn't want you to ever leave.

That night, all the adults went and drank some alcohol to celebrate you visiting. All the kids were told to go to bed, So I went into my mom's room, and laid on her bed. I turned on a movie, and waited for my mom to come into the room, and lay with me. When the door opened, and I felt someone crawl next to me, I didn't expect it to be you. Your hands were suddenly all over my body, and I froze. I didn't say a word, or move a finger. You continued to touch me in ways, I never expected you to. You called me beautiful over and over again as you let your hands run all over me. My heart was pounding, but I still didn't move, or say a word. I couldn't process what you were doing. No tears fell from my eye, because I was in shock. Suddenly your hands moved to my special area, and that was the moment everything broke inside of me. I kept telling myself that you thought I was my mother, because I was laying in her bed, and you were drunk. You must have mistaken me for me mom. But, you left the room for a moment, when you were finished. In that small moment, I went to my little brother's, and laid next to them. I went to them for protection, even though they were only 3 and 4. You came in there, and you asked them "Where is your sister?" That's when I knew you knew who you were touching the way you were.

No one believed me when I told them. Everyone thought that I was just trying to get attention. The truth of the matter was that I was dying for someone to save me. Since no one believed me, I was forced to see you several years after this incident. You'd come to visit and hug me, and say "I missed you, Beautiful." Hearing you say 'Beautiful' to me made my stomach hurt. Feeling your hands touch me made my breath short. I was no longer excited to see you, In fact, I was scared to see you. I was scared to be alone with you. I didn't understand how you could act like you never killed me inside.

Then one night, when I was 11-12, you did something amazing. You apologized. You asked to speak with me outside, and I agreed. Even though my heart was pounding, and I was terrified, I agreed. You apologized, and you even cried. I told you I forgave you, but I might have been lying.

Do you realize the pain you put me through? The things you have left imprinted on my mind? I hate being called beautiful, even though I know most men are just trying to be nice. I hate my hair being touched, because that is the first thing you did. That's something you always did actually, You'd always play with my hair. I have trouble seeing myself as anything more than a sex toy. I think that my only purpose in life is to please a man, and that I will never find love. I am constantly tearing myself down, and telling myself how flawed I am. I can never allow a man to get close to me without being filled with fear. You were one of the first men I loved, and you killed everything inside of me. You taught me that I wasn't worth love.

I do forgive you. I realize that people make mistakes, and that might be what this was. However, this one mistake changed everything I was/am. It changed how I live my life. It changed every single relationship I have and will be in. You changed my life, in a single moment. As you are out there, living your life, happy and worry free, I am here dealing with the after effects. I am the one carrying the burden of your mistake. I am the one living with what you did. I am changed, and I hope that you are too.

I know that you are a good man. I know that you loved me, and all of my family. I know that you may not have meant what you did, but you did it. You can't change the pain that you have made me go through all the years. I truly hope the best for you, even though I should hope for the worst. I should hate you, and tell everyone what a terrible person you are, but I don't. I forgive you.