Growing up, I struggled with chronic pain in one way or another- whether this was back, neck, hip to leg pain, tremors (muscle spasms), or a constant fatigue- it was a stressful journey to reach a diagnosis. For years, doctors have thought it was related to a cardiovascular disorder I have, or perhaps, I had weak joints and end of story. It was beyond fainting spells, aching muscles and headaches… It was constant head-fogs (memory issues), chronic pain to the point even standing/sitting still for too long brought me to tears. The frigid-numbness converted my hands to be sensationless; and of course, an injury didn't help this either. Or, the continuous fatigue that I combatted with copious amounts of coffee, energy drinks or naps 2-3 times a day. These are the on-going lifestyle changes one who is diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, such as myself and 100,000 other humanoids, experience daily. As Fibromyalgia is complex to understand think of it as this: One day you’re doing ok, pain yes but moderate and manageable, and fatigue isn’t trying to drown you with exhaustion. The next you can hardly move without wanting to throw up from pain, huffing and puffing your way through the pain as best you can, and almost passing out with fatigue. As this was a recent diagnosis, not many of my pals, peers or heck- relatives know… Here is my letter to them, to you and to other Fibro-Foggies:
Dear you beautiful humanoid,
I am a Fibro-Foggy. I am proud. And, I hope you are proud of yourself, too. To be blissfully blunt- it does impact my everyday life, except here is the thing… I choose how Fibromyalgia impacts my happiness and degree of living. By saying that, I promise to live life to the fullest- as some would say. I refuse to allow the spells or flares (as my doctor and I call it) to consume my entire day with negative vibes. I am learning how to love my body again in a whole new light. Slowly, of course… This ‘new light’ leads to a process of acceptance…
Things that seem so simple, that if you don’t have pain, we all take for granted: cleaning the house, folding the laundry, carrying the shopping, walking around town, changing the bed, sitting for too long, standing for too long, etc. All these things have reduced me to tears with pain more than it has before, lately. It is hard, and the pain is relentless. But, there is a degree of acceptance creeping in. I know I’m going to wake up in the morning feeling as tired as when I went to bed. I’m going to hurt, somewhere, and moving is always going to be a bit of an effort until I’ve been up a while. I know that a full, good night’s sleep is going to be a rare thing (regardless of my hedgehog, Louie, seeking attention in the wee hours of the night). We can fight it all and push on no matter what, compounding everything until we break, we can be nostalgic and resentful of it for all the things we used to do that fibro makes difficult. Or, we can accept things as they are and learn to live with what we have each day. This all is definitely easier said than done, but that’s what I’m trying to do. There isn’t a choice but to find a way to cope with fibromyalgia and I don’t want to feel that it’s stolen my life. The only way to make sure that it doesn’t is to learn how to live with it rather than despite, or against it. So I hope you all learn with me. I hope you take this journey with your loved ones who are diagnosed with this disease- even when the tough gets going. Remember, you are not alone. You are not degraded nor signified as less-than by this disease, rather- be empowered, because Fibro doesn’t define you, it makes you more badass, more resilient and more beautiful in remarkable ways.
With kindest regards,
A fellow Fibro-Foggy,
