A Letter to Dartmouth Freshmen

(For now, the ‘20s)

I’ve seen a lot of you on campus, in Foco, in my classes, and just walking around with those freaking lanyards around your necks. You don’t look scared, but I figure you are beneath all that shiny new Dartmouth gear.

When I got to this campus, I was terrified. I was younger than everyone else, so, right off the bat, things were bad (some of the ‘19s are older than me, so, believe me, I was young). I had social anxiety, self esteem issues, and something to prove.

I wish someone had been there to set me straight.

So here’s some shit I’ve started figuring out that might help you.

1. TAKE OFF YOUR LANYARDS. They clearly identify you as fresh meat. I know they’re freaking useful, but no one at Dartmouth uses things because they’re useful unless it’s a spork.

2. Don’t lose your key. $55 dollars for a lock change is no joke. But still, no lanyards. Hide that shit in your bra/boxers/briefs/bikini panties if you have to.

3. DISTRIBS. Do them. Love them. Hate them. It doesn’t matter; get them done.

4. Travel. Go on a study abroad. Get out of Dartmouth once a year. Start a GoFundMe if you need it. I did.

5. Do your laundry.

6. Running shoes and yoga pants are your friend.

7. Winter is not a joke. It will be cold. You will hate it. Get a happy lamp, good boots, and a down coat.

8. Bean Boots are not necessary, and they are not cheap.

9. Don’t do too many things. Freshman fall is the time to explore your options, not to drive yourself to a breakdown trying to make it to every meeting, meal, class, and trip that comes though your campus blitz.

10. Unsubscribe from campus blitz after freshman year.

11. Make sure you’re friends with someone who is still subscribed to campus blitz.

12. Foco is not the end-all-be-all of DDS. Collis for breakfast, Hop for lunch, Novack for coffee, Foco for dinner, Collis for late night.

13. Don’t rush if you don’t want to. Affiliation isn’t for everyone. Sure it’s wonderful if it’s what you want, but don’t join a house/community just because “everyone else is doing it.”

14. Frats are fun sometimes. Frats are not fun sometimes.

15. Collis After Dark is not lame, especially when you get sick of Webster.

16. Mental Health Days are a thing. TAKE THEM.

17. Running yourself into the ground to get the grade or to look like you’re working harder than that girl next to you is not glamorous, cool, or safe. Don’t do that shit.

18. Sleep.

19. Eat.

20. Take care of yourself first.

21. Your GPA might be crap; don’t freak out (too much).

22. Crying is okay.

23. Cursing is okay.

24. Dancing in the middle of the green because you passed that shitty test is okay.

25. Being uncomfortable is okay.

26. Find people and places that make you feel safe.

27. Sororities are fun, too. (I promise)

28. Netflix is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful thing.

29. Layups are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful things.

30. Take classes you want to take.

31. Hooking up is not a rite of passage.

32. Yes, people actually do the 7.

33. Yes, you can actually do the 7.

34. Yes, you can actually have sex on Hanlon’s lawn.

35. No, do not actually get caught having sex on Hanlon’s lawn.

36. GO TO OFFICE HOURS.

37. GO

38. TO

39. OFFICE

40. HOURS

41. Try something you never thought you’d do.

42. Dartmouth is a good place to be, not the best, but good.

43. This list is not complete.

44. This list is not universal.

45. Some of this might apply to you, and some of it might not. I’m writing it anyway for that one ’20 who needs to hear this. I’m writing it anyway for that one ’17 who needs to hear this.

46. You don’t need to have everything figured out right now. I don’t know jack shit. I’m a junior, and I just picked up a minor I’ve completed one class for. Life is fluid. So is college.

47. You don’t need to graduate in four years. It’s not the end of the world if you take a little bit longer to leave Dartmouth than that one kid you talked to that one time in Gov 10.

48. You deserve to be here.

49. You deserve to be happy here.

50. You deserve to be yourself here.

51. You don’t have to prove shit to anyone.

(And I’m making this list end at 51 just to make you uncomfortable.)