To The First Boy to Ever Break My Heart,

I do still love you and probably will continue to for a while after writing this. I'm sorry I was not good enough for you. I'm sorry my trust issues, my insecurities, and my past, in the end, were too much for you to handle. I want you to know that you are special. You were the first person ever able to break down the tall wall I had been building for so many years. You were my person. You had my heart in the palm of your hands. The person I called in sadness and in happiness. The one that I wanted to share the yellow and blue with. The happy times, the sad times, and everything in between. Although you broke my heart, you most certainly did not break me.

It hurt the most that it seemed I was the only one with a shattered heart. You seemed to have gone about your life without a care in the world. I live each day one at a time looking at couples and getting angry. I can never listen to any songs we sang together in the car without breaking down. I constantly found myself looking through all of our memories and wondering what I ever did wrong, but I know better than that now. I was the most afraid that you would forget about me. The way I ran and jumped into your arms on the day we first met. The way I would hug you so tight even though I would be waking up to your face in the morning. I was afraid you would forget that I loved you. I now see that is no longer my concern. I can no longer waste my energy fighting for something you ended in the first place. I'm sorry I fought so hard and didn't stand up for myself or wasn't confident enough to know when to stop trying to fix things.

I am much stronger and more focused on myself. You breaking the wall down taught me so many things. You showed me all the wonderful things I should love about myself. Most importantly you brought out the absolute best in me. Although in the end, I wasn't able to do that for you. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes and maybe you would think differently. I saw a future in us, even with us being together for less than a year. I saw the yellow house, the workshop, our dream cars in the driveway. Maybe that was just me being naive, I just want you to know how in love with you I really was and will continue to be.

Of course, I think about the fairytale ending of you running back to me, but I know my life is not a movie. Although I always hope it will be. When you meet your next love, I wish you treat her with the uttermost kindness and sweetness that I felt from you every second of every day. Sometimes when there is so much love, it can really cloud the reality. So even though we may not be right for each other for now, thank you for all the lessons you have taught me.

Do I wish we could be together? Absolutely. But that doesn't change the fact that you needed time for yourself. I respect you and your feelings and will love you for a long while after this. You did break my heart but did not break me. I hope one day we can talk as old lovers, old friends and reminisce on the amazing love we shared together. Maybe that day is sometime soon, maybe months from now. I look up from this broken time to look forward down the road into the time that we cross paths again. For now, this is goodbye.

Sincerely, The Girl Who Is No Longer Broken