Dear Mom,

As the lovely author Louise Hay once said, "I forgive you for not being the parent I wanted you to be, I forgive and I set you free." But as I write this, I find myself having a hard time coming to grips with this quote. It's meant to be a phrase for healing, but I just can't let go.

I'll never understand why you gave me up to your parents because you chose an alternative life style. I can understand having a difficult time as a mother at seventeen, but you never came back. I remember, as years went by, that I would try my best to vie for your attention, only to lose out to your boyfriend at whichever time, or to your good high. For some reason, the little boy buried deep inside calls out to you and longs for the mother that never was.

I forgive you for showing up to my sixth grade graduation high, worried about your own problems and vocally expressing them. I forgive you for falling asleep at my high school graduation and for not being around. I can forgive you for all of that.

But I've a hard time forgiving you for repeating your mistakes with my brother. You've two children who've wanted nothing more than your love and attention, and you ignored them. I can let it go, I can forgive you; but as for my brother, that's his cross to bear.

I don't know where you are, what you are up to, or where you are living. But should this find you, then I would like you to know that I love you and I forgive you, and I can no longer wish you ill will.

I hope that love finds you and that you learn to love yourself, that you no longer subject yourself to the abuse that you do and that you find a sense of inner peace. I hope that someday, we find ourselves on a common ground, and we can start anew. Not was mother and son, but as friends.

Love always,

-Michael.