We made it! I bet you never thought to make it past a certain amount of these letters but here you are. Last but not least we have letter thirteen. Shall we begin?
To the people who have felt victimized by these letters, I hope you feel like complete shit because you ruined my life before it even started.
I am scared.
That's number thirteen. I am, physically and mentally scared, I still get texts from that ex-boyfriend threatening me. Do I do anything about it? Nope. I instantly delete those messages. My past is haunting me and not staying buried where it belongs. So in honor of the last article of this series, here's some of my poems I've written:
Sleep Deprived
Three months ago,
I would of stayed away to talk to you.
But now the sound of your name makes me sick,
It's funny how people mistake you for weak,
when you're physically tired.
But you know they aren't strong enough,
Strong enough to talk to someone who isn't as strong.
It's like a personal hell,
You get so use to everything.
People talking about you behind your back,
Broken promises,
People who hold nothing but memories,
everything.
But God forbid,
I let you in on my tiredness.
You touched my soul,
and ruined me.
My best wasn't the best for you,
For once I want someone to be afraid to lose me.
I'm not just tired,
I'm use to tired,
I'm just done,
After all, all the sleep in the world couldn't fix this kind of tired.
-Joelle Herman June 6th, 2016
If You See Me//Wonderland
If you look at my wrists
You'll see scars I try to hide.
The endless little lines,
The emotion behind.
If you look at my thighs
More little cuts
But covered in ink
To hide something you're ashamed of
With something beautiful
If you look at my heart
You'll see it shattered beyond repair
Life gone in a hollow hole
Small fragments of my life laying around
Too fragile to piece back together
Come too close and you might get cut
If you look at my soul
Black as night
You'll see it battered and bruised
Lost and confused
Broken little girl
If you look at me
What do you see?
A Smile?
A Laugh?
It's all a facade
Nothing is real,
Here in Wonderland
-Joelle Herman April 30th, 2016
--Last but not least--
Love//Suicide
When you think of love,
What do you dream?
You think about someones laugh?
The dimples when they smile?
Or how they cover their mouth when they laugh?
But you don't think about how killing it can be
The anxiety
The fear of losing them?
The drunken state of which you only think of them.
It's really something when you can count all the reasons you love someone,
But list all the wrongs of liking someone too much
Because where there is love,
There is hurt.
When you finally get someone
You realized you liked the thought of being with them instead.
People say "Love is power"
"Love is grace"
Love is the slowest way to kill yourself
Love is the slowest form of suicide.
-Joelle Herman May 7th, 2016
