Elections come every four years in this country to turn grown men and women into bickering elementary school children in expensive business suits. That description fits probably both politicians and your family members at holiday gatherings. As our TV screens and social media feeds get clogged with everyone’s opinions over the next few months, I think it’s important to look at all sides. I can say with confidence that our government is going to be in for a lot of stress in the near future, so I figured I’d leave a nice letter for it. You’re never alone, buddy.
Dear Government,
I hope you’re holding up during this crazy time. Man, I swear, every few years the office just goes to hell for you. I just wanted to drop in and let you know that I’m here to support you no matter what happens. I know it can be hard to juggle so much work, with the debt and all, so don’t get too down on yourself if some things go wrong. Yea, a few million people are unemployed and there’s some weird stuff going on in Indiana (but that stuff is always going on), but I forgot to buy new conditioner this week, so I totally relate to the whole “some things you just don’t get to” thing. By the way, thanks again for that postal service you gave us, I’m going to a friend’s wedding later this month and walking the RSVP card to their house would have been much too time-consuming. Last time we talked, I remember you were frustrated with people for making too many demands at one time and never offering to help with any of the solutions they propose, so feel free to contact me if you ever need to vent. You also know I love Washington, D.C. and would come visit you anytime you want. I’d probably end up using one of your cool highways to do it, too, so thanks for that one too (you are such a thoughtful gift-giver!). Anyway, get back to me when you have a moment. I know you’ve got a lot on your plate, just make sure you leave room for vegetables! That’s what I always say. Happy elections!
P.S. You should do something about guns if you think about it. They’re a bit scary, don’t you think?
Love, Paul Kendall
Be informed and be patient in 2016.
