Dear All Strict Parents,
Don't do it. Don't say no.
Don't say no to your kid when they want to do something simply because "you said so." Don't say no because you're too scared to let them out of your sight, even though they're old enough to take care of themselves. Don't say no because you say "you don't trust other people," even though they say they trust you enough to know that you will make the right choices. Don't say no just because you can. Don't say no just because your own parents raised you with the same rules and "you came out just fine." Don't say no just because you're too stubborn to admit that your kid is right and you are wrong.
Say yes.
Say yes because the world is constantly changing so all the rules that you had when you were a kid do not necessarily apply today. Say yes because even though you're scared to let them go, you know that they can protect themselves. Say yes because although you have trust issues, you trust them completely and know that they will choose right over wrong. Every time. Say yes because you can.
Say yes because sheltering them their whole lives will not educate them about all the evils in the world. Sheltering them will only cause them to resent you for their lack of freedom and independence. They will resent you for their social struggles and seek solace in lying to you or rebelling against your authority. It may not be the case for your kid but it is for many.
Why?
Because your kid is tired of feeling like you don't trust them. They want you to know that you raised them to make good choices and stay out of trouble. They want you to know that they appreciate all that you do for them and that the love they have for you is so dense. They want you to treat them like the age that they are instead of five years younger. Or five years old.
Treat them like they deserve to be treated. If they slack off in school, disrespect you, or do anything else you disapprove of then it is appropriate to take actions and discipline them. However, if they are diligent, respectful, and responsible then I don't see why you should be so strict. If day by day they prove to be the mature young woman or man you raised them to be then they deserve some leverage.
They deserve to be listened to when they are trying to explain to you that if they go out with their friends they will be home before curfew. They deserve to go to that concert they've saved up enough money for. They deserve to spend the weekend at a friend's beach house or have a sleep over with their best friend.
They don't always need you.
They are no longer the tiny, cherry-cheeked baby that the nurse handed to you at the hospital. They are no longer the cute and restless toddler that needed help brushing their teeth and eating their vegetables. They are no longer the pre-pubescent tween that would complain about having braces and waking up for school in the morning. They are now young adults that have gained your trust. They haven't experienced everything the world has to offer, but as they grow older they will go through more and more life experiences that will help them establish their values and discover who they truly are. If you shelter them too much, how will they know what it is like to have to defend themselves? How will they know how to react to peer pressure? How will they ever know how to defend themselves from societal ills when they have never faced any without holding onto your hand?
Let go.
I know it can be difficult to let go. I know that you have your own familial rules and that sometimes it is important to say no. I'm just asking you to sometimes say yes. I have parents that always say no solely because those are the rules they grew up with. To me, that is unfair. Say no because you have a clear explanation for saying no not because you are too stubborn to say yes.
Say yes to those times that they tell you to trust their judgement. Trust that they know what they're doing. Trust that they know what they're doing when they ask you to go to a concert and they tell you the crowd will not be too rowdy. Trust that they know what they're doing when they listen to rap music and do not condone all the lyrics. Trust that they're mature enough to watch Game of Thrones.
Trust them!
By trusting them they will feel not only independent but also understood. They will feel like you understand who they are as a person and are aware of their ability to distinguish the good from the bad.
So, I understand that my introduction may have been one-sided. Let me correct myself; sometimes parents have to say no, however, they do not have to be strict. For your kid's sake, please, don't be strict. Don't make your kids resent you. Don't make them unhappy solely because you don't want to let go.
Don't forget to say yes.
P.S. I was wrong when I said that your kid isn't a baby anymore. Your kid is still considered your "baby," just taller and has worse skin.
Love,
Your "Baby" (The one that's been crying out for help)
