Dear Cab/Über drivers that have the unpleasant experience of driving my friends and I,

I'm Sorry. Truly, truly sorry. This mostly goes out to the Philadelphia cab drivers whom I've encountered in my day but I'm sure, or at least hope, other drivers can relate because that means the below behavior is a little acceptable.

If you've ever driven us, here's a way to tell. There are a few things that almost always happen when my friends and I get into a cab while under the influence. I've shamefully listed them below…

• 1. Good Storytelling- After a night out, anything and everything my friends and I do we believe to be the funniest, best, worst and most exciting things in the world. They're not, but the level at which we market ourselves and our adventures is unbelievable. We're a fun group of girls don't get me wrong but I highly doubt that our cab drivers really want to hear our tales. This doesn't stop us. We don't really care about making your driving experience enjoyable, so we continue to bombard your poor ears with every detail of our lives, most likely at a level that was more appropriate for a wind tunnel. For this, I'm sorry.
• 2. Convincing- When six people pile into the back seat of a car the driver's normal response is to refuse to drive until some of get out. Most passengers would listen and take two cabs but no, we insist on staying together. We spend five to ten minutes arguing with you and promising we'll pay the ticket if you get pulled over. This back and forth banter continues until you agree to take us to our final destination. For this, I'm sorry.
• 3. Slinky Necking- It's pretty much a guarantee that once in route one of my friends will “slinky neck". Yeah, it's that common of an occurrence that we named it. (and deserve full credit for the term when it blows up on the internet…just saying) "Slinky necking" refers to when your drunk friend loses the last once of control of themselves. It's the moment they decide the weight of their head is too much for their neck to handle and just let it hang as they drift off into a drunken slumber. At least, that's what everyone is praying for; that you drift into a drunken slumber but no, nine times out of ten, this is followed by multiple dry heaves and puking. We then spend the remainder to the car ride trying to do anything in our power to keep you from finding out that your seat and floor are covered in her dinner and dumping us on the side of the road. This leaves us with no choice. We spray our mini perfume samples, distract you with conversation then exit leaving both vomit and an extra $20 on the seat. For this, I'm sorry.

We're not proud of our cab etiquette but I can promise you we've never harmed any of our drivers and in fact, have been thanked for providing quality entertainment. I like to think of it as a way to even out all the manipulation of ignorant tourists... you know, the taking the longest route to run up the meter, the extra extra “service fees" etc. Seems like a good trade off right? Karma maybe? We hope.

I know this isn't exactly polite behavior but we tip well and try our best. With this, I'm still sorry. We can't help ourselves.

Sincerely,

The six-twelve young women you regret ever letting into your car.