Dear ex-crush,
Well, I guess this is it. Honestly, I can't believe that I'm even saying goodbye to you. I would have never pictured myself in this position, because I used to be so head over heels for you. But now I could care less if I saw you in the hallways. I don't look at my surroundings for you anymore. I don't imagine what it would be like if we were dating. I don't even care that we lost connection over social media.
I can't really tell you what happened that made me forget about you: is it the new guy that I can now casually share a conversation with in class, the guy who makes me feel special — more special than just looking at you and knowing you'll ignore me? Or is it the acceptance that the possibility for you and me to ever happen is like hoping for rain in a horrid drought. But maybe it was both. I can't tell. All I know for sure is that I'm completely over you.
I don't know where I should exactly start. But I want to say thank you for everything. I told you this indirectly, but I doubt you were even aware I said this to you. I want to thank you for making every day of high school bearable. This may sound typical, but this goodbye means so much to me. You probably don't know this, but I was absolutely miserable since freshmen year. I felt incredibly isolated from society, and sometimes, I believed that I didn't have any friends. Of course, I did have friends, but often, I felt alone.
There were times when I shed tears at school and at home because of this. I honestly couldn't help it, because practically every day, I struggled to find places to sit with people and to pair up with classmates in class assignments. I did have friends, but I also felt like I had none. Through all of that, you were the one who helped me get through it. You didn't even do anything; all you had to do was to show up at school, which you did. Just seeing you made me smile. You gave me butterflies every day. It's weird, but I sometimes wondered what I did in my past life to see a guy like you every day.
You were someone who played a significant part in my life. You were the one who got me through half of my high school experience, especially sophomore year. That year was the worst, yet you made it better and bearable. You helped me get my mind off everything that made me miserable that year. You helped me become more independent. You helped me realize who I really was. In fact, you were my ideal type in high school.
I didn't even have an ideal type, but one glance at you made me immediately think, this guy is the one I want to get to know. This guy is someone who I feel like I can easily talk to and relate with on a spiritual level. But I never got a chance to do that. It was hard to approach you, mainly because I was shy but also because you were stoic and lost in your own world.
To be honest, I think I might miss you. Although you aren't exactly the best role model, you certainly made me who I am today: independent and happy. Actually, scratch that. I will miss you. Even though I did try incredibly hard to forget about you using various useless and stupid methods, I kind of wish I never even tried. This year is probably the last year I'll ever see you in real life. But I just feel like there's no point. I'm realizing just now that there's been another person in front me of all along. He's sweet and kind, like you. But unlike you, he's here by my side.
So, I guess it's time to say goodbye. Although we didn't really exactly hit it off, I still think these years will be the most memorable moments of my entire life. I still remember how smitten I was with you. But this is it. Goodbye, *Leaf.
Sincerely,
Jasmine
*Author's Note: Leaf was the code name of my ex-crush.
