A Letter To My Roommate As She Goes Abroad

A Letter To My Roommate As She Goes Abroad

I'm going to miss you, but I'm so excited for you.
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When you first told me that you were thinking of going abroad for a semester I was pretty devastated. How would I survive an entire semester without my roommate and best friend? I’ve never had to face the stress of college without you by my side, keeping me laughing and smiling through it all. You have been there for me since day one of college, and I feel extremely lucky that I was able to find someone who means so much to me--in my random roommate of all people. So, although I’m not looking forward to the next semester without you here, you know I’m wishing you all the best on this adventure.

I hope this experience is everything you want it to be and more. I hope you have the time of your life, learn even more about yourself, continue to grow into the amazing person you are, and embrace every moment of it. I know you won’t waste a minute of this journey and will keep me fully updated at all times. I cannot wait to hear all of the great stories you will have from being abroad; all that you’ll learn and get to do. I’m jealous that you get to do this, but I’m even more jealous of the people that will get to enjoy your company for those months. They should realize how lucky they are to have you around.

I really don’t tell you enough how much I appreciate everything you do as my roommate and friend. You help me make tough decisions, support my decisions even when they’re clearly stupid, make me laugh until it hurts and I’m sure I should have formed at least one ab, listen to me talk about all my problems, give me the best advice, and laugh at all my ridiculous jokes.

I love that we talk about anything and everything under the sun. I love that you’re always up to dance like a fool with me. I love that we understand each other’s humor and can convey things to one another with just a look.

I never thought in a million years that my random roommate from freshman year would become such an important person in my life. You know everything about me, and I’m not just saying that, you really know everything. So I guess what I’m trying to say here is, thank you. Thank you for being my person. Thank you for staying up late into the night just talking, thank you for always looking out for me, and most importantly, thank you for being the amazing person that you are.

I want to wish you the best of luck on your journey. I know right now it’s all very intimidating and scary, but I know you, and I know you’ll make the most of it and have the time of your life. I’ll be stalking all your posts on social media and patiently awaiting all the updates I expect from you the whole time you’re gone. I’m so sad that you’re leaving me, but I’m more excited for how incredible the semester is going to be for you.

I’m going to miss you like crazy, and I wish you the very best of luck!

Cover Image Credit: Olivia Sun

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8 Things I Have Not Thanked My Best Friend Forever For In, Well, Forever

Thank you for always being the best.
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1. Being there through it all, even if you're not "physically" there

We can't always be together, but you have never completely "left" me behind and have been there with me through thick and thin and I am so grateful.

2. Being my biggest cheerleader

Thank you for not only being there through the bad, but also celebrating my victories with me. I can always look forward to telling you good news because I know you'll be happy right along with me.

3. Answering my "important" phone calls

Whether it's a "he texted me back!!!" phone call, or an "I found a gray hair, please help!!" phone call, you pick up the phone and hype up with me no matter what.

4. Being selfless, and going above & beyond to make sure I know I'm worthy

This explains itself and I am so grateful for that.

5. Brushing my hair when I don't feel like it

Okay, this probably sounds silly... But it's the greatest struggle to brush my hair and I'm glad you do it for me sometimes!

6. For being there through all of my mini-crises

You already know what I'm talking about here...

7. For talking me out of things

If it wasn't for you talking me out of things, I'd probably have quit my job, be dating a horrible guy, got my eyebrow pierced, etc.

8. Making me a part of your family

I'm too lucky to have you all as my second family.

Cover Image Credit: Personal Photo

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Help, I Have A Lot Of Feelings

Finding Purpose in All Those Feelings

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I, 100%, believe you can manifest your own reality. It's disturbing how "feelings" quickly go from scenarios that we create in our heads to a toxic reality.

When I was really sick, I could think of countless reasons to hate myself. It felt like those reasons were piling up and barricading me into my own personal prison of self-disgust. But as I have continued my journey to be stronger than my eating disorder, I am learning that if can convince myself, with the power of my mind, that these feelings are all valid, I can also convince myself that I am actually sufficient, capable, competent, enough, strong and qualified. This power lies in recognizing the difference between feeling and knowing.

Knowledge is constant while feelings vary based on circumstance. I know my best friend loves me even when she doesn't text me back. I may, for a moment, feel like she doesn't care about what I have to say because of the circumstance. But that doesn't change what I know to be true. My best friend loves me.

Being "feelings driven" is a dangerous way to live. It led me to become an empty and shallow version of myself. I was unhealthy and dissatisfied. But I found new life after deciding not to let the way I feel dictate what I knew is true.

If feelings change so often, how can they hold such power over us? Surely they must play some sort of significant role in our lives. Of course they do. Feelings provide us with the opportunity to act. They show us that something might need to change. Typically, we want it to change as soon as possible. If you're feeling bored, you text or call your friends. If you're feeling hungry, you go get food. Feelings give us the opportunity to react. These reactions can affect you positively or negatively. The important thing to remember is that, when you are prompted with a feeling, you always get decide the reaction.

When I was sick, I was very familiar with feeling "gross", "fat", "uncomfortable", and other untrue ways to describe my physical appearance. The reaction that came with that feeling wreaked havoc on me mentally and physically. I could not get through a day of meals without feeling extreme guilt. This guilt was overbearing and it would not go away until I responded with my trigger reaction. Even with these rash and dangerous choices I was making, one thing remained constant. I never felt the way I wanted to. I did not feel beautiful. I did not feel strong. I woke up every single day without any change.

When you are prompted with a feeling that deserves a reaction, make it a beneficial one. I still have many moments when I feel bad about the way I look. Only now, my language about it has changed. I don't take that feeling as an opportunity to hurt myself. Instead, I write about it, call a friend, pray and ask God to help me see myself as He sees me or even just distract myself from the thoughts with some TV.

I cannot count on feelings to fuel my thoughts and take over my mind. Because even though they can bring about the right kind of actions, they have the power to bring you a world of trouble. Acknowledge your feelings. They're there for a reason. Welcome the good feelings, don't be afraid of the negative ones. Just be ready with what you know to combat them. Remind yourself with the truth about who you are constantly, making it your first language. Feelings are temporary and based on circumstance.

Think of the feeling you get when you are so tired after a long and busy day. What comforts you? Knowing the fact that when you get home, you will be able to sleep. You know you will be okay. This same practice of comforting yourself with the truth can and should be done with any negative feeling. Knowing that you will not feel that way forever can protect you from dangerous reaction, whatever it may be. Let it remind you that the temporary state of discomfort, pain, or dissatisfaction, will eventually go away and you will be feeling another way once again.

Feelings are fleeting and changing. They are here one second and gone the next. So to put something so valuable, like your worth or your future, in something so fickle, just sounds foolish. Use feelings for what they are for: to inspire change. What I know is that I AM STRONG even on the days I feel weak, I AM BRAVE even on the days I feel afraid, I AM CAPABLE even on the days I feel unfit for my calling. Any feelings that are not driving me to truth don't stand a chance against what I know.

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