I don’t know if you’ll ever read this, or maybe you will. This isn’t a letter saying how much I hate you, or that you broke my heart, or that I’m madly in love with you still. This is more of a reflection of my time spent with you, sort of thank you letter.
I still remember the late-night conversations, the ones that went on while the rest of the world was asleep, never running out if things to talk about or wanting to stop despite having to wake up early the next morning. We hadn’t seen each other in so long yet we were acting like we had always been talking, all because of something I posted that I can’t even remember. Those late-night memories are still etched into my mind and they are among my favorite. It had been so long since I had just clicked with someone, no hassle or awkward phase, just simple happiness.
I still remember when we finally did see each other, I wasn’t nervous or dreading saying something stupid, I was just happy. I remember saying some stupid joke, and just watching you cringe at how bad it was, with a playful smile spreading across you lips. In that moment you looked so damn beautiful, watching the way your lips curled up into a smile, your cheeks getting red with blush, and the way your dark brown eyes crinkled while you laughed. That’s when I knew I wanted to be the one make you smile like that all the time. At that point I fell for you, and girl did I fall hard.
I know I’m not the best-looking guy out there, or the funniest, or sweetest, or smartest, and I’m sure that an amazing girl like you has a long line of better guys chasing after you. I’m not gonna say that I promise to be the best, that I’ll treat you right or take care of you better than anyone else if you choose me. All I want to say is that I’m so thankful that we could spend time together, even if only for a while.
I thought for a while that maybe we could be something more. I told you I would wait for you, and that once we both had what we set out to accomplish, I’d be there by your side. I was hoping that you would wait for me as well, I didn’t want you to be like some season passing by. I wanted to watch you glow in the summer sun, hear the crunch of leaves beneath our shoes in the fall, keep each other warm in the winter, and smell the spring air.
But life has a problem of getting in the way of things. In a few days’ your moving to the completely opposite side of the country, while I’m staying here in the furthest corner away from where you’ll be. The places in life we want to go require us to be where we are, and we both know we’re too headstrong and set on our paths to even think about changing them for something like this. You told me not to wait for you, and that you wouldn’t change your plans and I shouldn’t change mine, and that we need to do what’s best for our futures. Our plans will send us to completely opposite directions in life. As hard as tried to come up with a reason that we could work it out, I knew you were right. Despite my fear of being alone, I knew that it would be selfish of me to try and hold onto what we had, and I had to be fair to you and your dreams. Guess you could say right place, wrong time.
The greatest thing about this is that we don’t know what the future will hold. Maybe down the road in a few years, we’ll be in the same city or some other happenstance, and we’ll be able to catch up like old times. Or maybe we’ll talk to each other because of some random thing I post, and I’ll see that notification in the corner and get butterflies in my stomach, just like the first time.
I fell for you at the wrong time, but that short amount of time is something I’ll never regret. You helped me find what I want out of life, and for that I can’t thank you enough. Maybe when the right time comes around, I’ll be ready for it.