The word "assault" is tricky to define and, unfortunately, I can not blame you dirt bags for this. I get it. The school system failed you because they refused to educate you on this topic. I once had a high school teacher scold me for using the word "rape." It is one thing to say the word, it is another thing to experience it and I must say, experiencing it is a lot more uncomfortable than simply saying it. From experience, the ones who are most uncomfortable are the ones who commit the crime. Perhaps that is why you never admit to raping someone? Are you too afraid of the word, so you cover it up with lies? Boohoo. Poor babies.

When my rapist was suspended from school for a considerable amount of time, he tried to appeal with a textbook definition of "assault." This did not sit well with me because, one, an appeal is scary and, two, his definition of assault and his understanding of consent were incorrect. He said that due to "actions," I wanted "it."

First of all, the "actions" that he claims were committed, never occurred. He continuously lied through his teeth. Second, that is most definitely not the definition of assault. Sexual assault is broadly defined as "Any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient." No explicit consent was given, therefore, the argument has no validity. A monkey could figure that out. In fact, it has been proven that male apes can identify when rape of a female ape is occurring and they understand that rape is wrong. If an ape can figure it out, why can't a human with actual emotional intelligence and a moral compass?

My rapist is not a mutant or an ape. He is a man. He is a student, a musician, a son, a co-worker, and a friend to other people at school. For the longest time, I couldn't humanize him when I talked about my experience. But, by humanizing him, I am able to see through him and write him this letter.

Dear rapist,

Let me start by saying hello. We haven't spoken since the night you held me down and violated me. It's nice to speak to you.

The fact that you raped me is devastating. The fact that you said "No no no you wanna have sex. You wanna have sex." after I clearly said that I didn't, will forever be in my mind. I hear those words every day of my life. You lied, saying that you were locked out of your apartment, and after I allowed you to stay in a spare bed at my place, you took advantage of my act of kindness.

I had to disclose to my incredible significant other that the woman he loves was violated. I slept with a knife under my pillow for months until I could finally trust someone again. Until now, I have had to look at you as you waltz around my school with such pride, as if nothing ever happened. I had to go back in and retell my story to investigators because the school failed to properly report the first time.

All of these things have ruined me, but the thing that gets me the most is that you don't understand the severity of your actions. You truly thought you would get away with it, which shocks me to my core. After shooting yourself in the foot by practically admitting to doing it in your statement, you tried to tug at someone else's heartstrings after the sanctions were given, in order to get a lighter sentence. You tried to define consent and assault as if experienced Title IX investigators didn't know the definition and you tried to cover it up with lies. The most devastating part to me, is that you don't seem to get it and you can't see that your actions affect other people.

The fact that you appealed the case INSULTS me. I am not scared or annoyed, I am insulted. Clearly you have no respect for the fact that you caused me long term pain and suffering. You are the opposite of an honorable man. You decided that you wouldn't take responsibility for your horrific actions. But you know what? Life goes on. Pain is inevitable but I am done suffering.

I am angry beyond belief. My anger towards you will never go away. My pain will not go away, the words that you said will never go away, memories of you yelling at me to get out the bathroom that I was hiding in will never go away, you camping outside my door after I forced you out will never leave my nightmares. I will always be in pain, but I am done suffering. I have decided, a year and a half later.......... to forgive you.

I forgive you for what you did. I will never forget it, but I will forgive it. When your time comes, G-d will decide what to do with you. Life is too incredible to be upset and to wallow just because an idiot nearly decided my fate. You will one day get help and lead a more honest life. I hope that you get the help you need and that you turn your life around. "Sexual pleasure" for you is not worth a woman's pain and trauma.

I can not take back what you did to me. I can not go back in time and do things differently, but I can move forward in the most positive way possible. I no longer resent you. It is too exhausting and is not worth my time. I have found strength and willpower to move forward and protect and support my friends and loved ones.

I have made the decision to tell any younger friend or student who is interested in my school that they let a rapist run loose for a year and a half. I have decided to be proactive and keep my safety a number one priority and I have put faith in the man that I currently love to never let you hurt me again. I am finally taking my life back and am finally making the decision to be happy. To all the pigs and rapists out there, take this letter as in invitation to research consent and assault. It may just stop you from changing a life forever.