Dear Lost But Not Forgotten,
It has been quite a while since we last talked, and it feels even longer since I have last seen you. Although it has been so long since we last spoke it feels as if I always catch myself talking about you or, at least, the thought of you is constantly running through my mind. Regardless, you play such a key role in my life to this day that you, and others for that matter, may never truly understand.
It has been years since your passing, but the memories of you, of us, still play in my head. Though the image of you, the sound of your voice, and the way you acted have begun to evaporate in my mind, piece by piece, it does not worry me. It is the lessons you taught me, the laughs we shared, the times you comforted me, and the times you scolded me that stick with me and allow me to remember you for you, all of which I would never trade for anything in the world. The mental videos that I do remember as if they were "tevoed" run through my head on replay, these memories I will never give up.
Never having had the chance to see me play in any athletic events, receive any awards, go to any concerts, or watch me graduate and attend college, it is almost as if you had missed the most important events in my life thus far. While other athletes, other students would play the game, receive their award and then head to a parent to feel their warm embrace, I stood by watching, thinking was I good enough, and did I make you proud? Growing up at times was difficult, simply having routine conversations, having people ask about you or what you did and in return giving them the uncomfortable answer that always ended with their sympathy which though was thoughtful, was unneeded. It was almost as if you had become more of a story, a myth rather than an actual person as all I had left was vague stories, a few blurry photos, and distant broken up memories.
With all of this being said, it may appear that I am speaking down to you, that I am let down by the fact that you were not there. This is not true; you, by all means, were and still are my best friend, a person I love. These events, these moments all stand out to me because you were not there, that I was unable to share these moments in my life with you.
As vulgar or obscene as it may sound, I believe everything happens for a reason, and that your passing was meant to happen. You are where you are meant to be, high above watching over our family and away from the problems you faced. As for me, I feel as if your passing has made me who I am today, it forced me to grow up and take a look at who I was and who I wanted to become. Perhaps, this was the event in my life that took away my so-called "innocence," the event that would rattle others made me stronger.
While others had parents holding their hand through life, teaching them this and that while never really showing them that the real world held obstacles, held tragedy, and held problems with no clear answers in sight, your passing taught me to deal with all of these early on. I quickly learned to care for myself, to look out for myself and those close to me, and that the only way I would learn many of the things you would have taught me was by teaching myself. Though I would love to have you back in my life, and I would love to tell you everything you have missed, I know you are where you belong not only for yourself but also for me. The time we spent together in this world I will never forget and I will always love. You are someone who can never and will never be replaced, you were and are a parent, and most importantly you are my parent and my best friend.
Until we speak again,
Forever Missing You.
