I remember the day I first met you, I remember when we had our first fight, I remember the cute awkwardly way after school one day, you brought me to a wall and you asked me to be your girlfriend way back when things were easier, and of course, I remember the day I broke your heart.

I remember a lot of things because you're not someone who can easily be forgotten. I look back on the past year we had and I’m thankful for the day you randomly messaged me telling me that you missed me. It was around that time I really needed people in my life, my world was crashing down. I told you everything and trusted more into you than I had ever with anyone.

I was in pain and as crazy as this sounds; I don't think I would be as strong as I am now if it wasn't for you being there for me. You listened, you mended me, and you got me feel again when it felt impossible.

We began talking even more and I randomly told you that my feelings for you had been coming back and that I was happy you were back in my life. You told me the same and we had this healthy and flirty kind of start to a relationship going. I remember waking up to these really long good morning texts with you telling me everything on your mind; how you knew I’d come back, how you couldn't wait for us to be us again, and of course those texts where without even seeing me you'd tell me I was most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen, and that I looked even better than the day before.

You considered yourself so lucky and I was so happy to see you just as happy. Things were so much easier around this time but I confused you with my feelings. I take full blame in that, even when I know it takes two when two people are involved. There's a lot you don't know and I admit, I didn't act like I should of. Maybe that makes me a bad person.

For a while, I was confused if we were ever gonna actually be anything. I liked you but I was also kinda looking for something else. I just wanted you to stay in my life. One night, I had this dream that you had decided you no longer wanted me. That you just moved on to another girl and I cried that entire day because I thought it was real…. that's what began my awkwardness and when the reason behind the silence when we’d walk in the mornings. I was terribly afraid of getting hurt again and I shut everyone out.

I always knew deep down what I wanted but it finally hit me hard after that, I wanted the one person that had been about me since the day I met them; you.. and nothing else mattered. You had always put me first and yet, I just played a game. I don't blame you for being confused with your feelings, I really don't because I would be just as nervous and scared about having me leave again too. I could tell you till I’m blue in the face that I wouldn't but that doesn't always make everything better and I know that. I messed up and I regret it a lot.

Lately, It has felt like we're strangers and you’re constantly telling me that I act like I don't like you. I hate that we don't do the cute things anymore and I feel like a bother to you. I swear I like you, I just have a weird way of showing it. A couple years back, I remember sitting in my living room when my parents told me they were getting a divorce, I would've been just fine with that being it but it was what I was told after that killed me; “I don't have it in me to love you, my heart just can't do it” my dad told me this as if it came so naturally and I’ve never truly been okay since.

With biological dad the same thing happened, exceptt I almost died because of him...but that's another story. Every guy I’ve ever had in my life has always left or stayed for pity and that's why I just can't let the walls come down as easily as other girls do. That's why I need the reassurance and why I ask it from you… I never want to go through that pain again.

I know I haven't made anything easy for you and I know things are a lot different than they used to be but I hope to see us happy again. I was talking to my mom about this and she told me communication is key in just about any friendship, relationship, or even association. A friend of ours told me to never think the worst about anything, do it or else you completely cancel out chances. We're too young to believe things aren't gonna be okay, so I take this moment to finally go back to my roots and fight for what I want. I really do miss the way we used to be and I hope to see the matured guy I know back in my life for the better. I apologized for a lot but I’ll never apologize for how I feel for and about you. Relationships can be sour and then sweet but ours is by far my favorite.