It's been a long time, hasn't it? I hope you're doing well and by your Instagram, I can see that everything is going perfectly for you and that you are genuinely happy! I know we haven't spoken in forever and this may seem extremely random to write you now, but I really just needed to talk to you. I have so many questions built up and honestly if you answer them or not it doesn't matter, just asking them is enough.
Where did you go? Not literally, but where were you when I needed you? You used to be my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my diary, my backbone, my security blanket, my laughter, my fun times, my best friend, and now I don't even know where you are most of the time.
Where were you to tell me that I was crazy going back to my ex when he broke my heart over and over again? Why aren't you in any of my photos with me? You used to be there for everything so I was never able to take a photo alone.
Why weren't you there when I had my surgery when I was crying in pain? You should have been there making me watch re-runs of my favorite show. I needed you in these moments and more, but where were you?
How are you?
How are you OK with leaving me behind? I know I can't give you what a boyfriend can, but he can't give you what I can either, or does he?
Do you know how depressed it has made me feel knowing how easy it was for you to replace me? I gave you more compliments than he ever will, but I guess his means more to you.
I bought you food when you were sick or sad or even just because you were hungry, but I guess he buys you more than food and that makes you happy.
I let you borrow my clothes, I guess you like his oversized T-shirts better.
I gave you hugs when you needed one, but I guess his are tighter.
Does it ever hurt knowing were not even nearly as close as we used to be?
How are you?
What's going to happen when or if he leaves? He may be the one, and if he is, congratulations, I am still so happy for you!
But what if he breaks your heart? Are you going to come running back to me so I can pick up the pieces? So I can spend every day and every night pouring my soul into stitching and gluing it back together with pizza, romance movies, quiet nights without talking, going out, going shopping, doing everything we used to do before he came into your life just so you can feel normal again?
I guess this will mend my broken heart too.
But that isn't fair.
I spent a lot of time crying because you wouldn't answer my calls or when you did pick up you were always busy with him. I spent a lot of time trying to find other friends and eventually I did make other friends. I spent a lot of time questioning why he wouldn't share, why you thought it was OK to abandon me, what did I do that wasn't enough to keep you around?
So, eventually, I let you go. I didn't want to, but I couldn't hold my breath hoping you would see it's possible to have both of us in your life. I want you happy and that's all that matters. At the end of the day, I will be here because I do love you and I miss having you around, but I am going to go on with my life and making the best of every day. Maybe God will bless me with someone new to share memories and laughter with.
You have taught me so much and you helped mold me into the person I am today. You made me feel loved and you gave me years worth of memories and laughter and for that, I am forever grateful.
Just know that I could never replace you, and the new best friends that I will have in my life, they will never replace you.
You will always be one of my best friends.