An Open Letter To My Long Distance Boyfriend

There are so many things that I want to say to you, but there is no time to get through it all. I could spend the rest of my life telling you how much you mean to me, and I still wouldn’t be able to get through half of it. You are everything I have ever wanted, and so much more, all wrapped up in a 5-foot-11, brown-haired, light brown-eyed, baseball player body. Whether it’s your smile or your sense of humor or your desire to please everyone around you, you have made me fall for you. And trust me when I say this: I’m falling hard.

I didn’t know what loving someone truly meant until I met you. Although that day has meshed into the memories, I am so grateful that the forces of the universe pushed us together. You always tell me that everything happens for a reason, and maybe our reason isn’t concrete yet, but I believe you were placed into my life so I could understand what it meant to truly give my whole self to someone else. You are my heart and soul and my reason for smiling, and I will never be able to thank you enough.

Sunday mornings are my favorite. They meant waking up next to you, staying in bed as long as we possibly could and watching cute, funny videos of puppies that someone shared on Facebook. And you know what? I wouldn’t trade that for the world. I carry those mornings with me as I helplessly trudge through this rut we have found ourselves in. Any time I feel sad because I can’t talk to you, I picture myself waking up to your subtle snore on a Sunday morning, and I am happy again.

Distance is the toughest thing a relationship can go through, but everything happens for a reason. I guess the reason for these 353 miles between us is so we can grow stronger. But knowing that there are six hours standing between you and me is so hard. Some days are worse than others, though. You’re busy with work and baseball and friends, and you’re filling your days so that the time passes by quickly, while I lay in bed and weep for us. Maybe it’s just my paranoia that you’ll forget about me or maybe it’s the harsh reality that I can’t just waltz into your room whenever I want, but this distance is soul crushing.

I see our pictures together and only God knows the things I would do to go back to those moments. All I want to do is pick up the phone and tell you all of my troubles and listen to you reassure me that everything is going to be perfectly fine in the end, but my anxiety has started to push you away. Talking has decreased; I haven’t heard your voice in almost two weeks. I haven’t seen your face since June 2, and I haven’t felt your arms around me since the day I moved out for the summer. You can’t imagine how much I truly miss you, and I can never put the right words together to tell you how much you mean to me, but I’ll try.

Here it goes:

I see you in all of my favorite things. Every time I listen to music, I can almost hear you brag about how introduced me to that particular song. Whenever I go hiking or go see a movie, I wish you could be there with me. Anytime my friends and I reminisce about a particular night, your name always comes up. All of my favorite memories have been with you. I miss you no matter the hour — whether it’s 2 p.m., and I’m busy, or it’s 2 a.m., and I’m alone in bed. I can’t think about life at DePauw without thinking about you. Heck, I can’t imagine life without you by my side, and, frankly, I don’t want to.

You have become a part of who I am, and that scares me. But what terrifies me most is the thought of losing you. I like the person I am when I’m with you. I love the way you make me laugh at almost anything, but I also love that we can have serious conversations about controversial topics that are happening in our world. I love that a small smile creeps across your face when you talk about your family. I love that you hate ketchup just as much as I do. I love every moment I have ever spent with you. I love every memory we share, and although we are in a rough patch, I cannot wait to make more. You are my best friend and my partner in crime, and I am forever grateful. Thank you so much for loving me. I love you, too, bud.