Hey military girlfriend,
I see you. You may feel invisible, but believe me, you are not. You think the government sees you as pushed aside and unimportant but you are none of those things either. You honestly carry a lot of meaning and importance to your service member and the military community.
Every military wife or husband once started out as a girlfriend or boyfriend. Every time you feel looked down upon because you are “only a girlfriend” remember that you have to start somewhere. The military might see you as temporary but if you and your boyfriend do not see that as true then just hang tight. You see that the married couples get all of these “awesome” benefits; insurance, free or allowanced housing, discounts, etc. but that is no reason to jump the gun and get hitched. That is unless you 110 percent undoubtedly know that he is the one for you. A 15 percent discount is not worth a two-year marriage followed by a divorce. Take your time, live a little, get to know who you are.
Please, for the love of all that is good, do not be that MilSo (Military Significant Other). Do you know who I am talking about? That girlfriend, fiancée, or wife who thinks that they serve too. They think that their sacrifice is just as big as their service member’s because they stay home and take care of everything. Don’t be that MilSo that poses nude wrapped in the American flag. That is almost sickening. Lives were lost and blood was shed just for you to take boudoir pictures. No. The same goes with wearing your service member's uniform. Do not wear it nude, do not wear it clothed, just don’t wear it. If your boyfriend was a garbage man would you sill wear his uniform to look “sexy” or “cute”? No. I've been there. There was a time when I thought putting on my sailor's NWU hat was cute, but in retrospect, that was really disrespectful. I did not earn the right to wear that hat or any other part of his uniform.
You are independent. Some days it might feel as though the world is crashing down around you and you just want your SO back. That is normal, but what you choose to do in that situation makes or breaks your relationship. Are you going to buckle under pressure or are you going to stand up tall and handle it? Of course, you’re going to handle it because above all else this relationship and the time spent apart has taught you that you ARE capable. Any obstacle that life throws at you, you handle like a champ.
You worry, but you don’t let it show, it takes a strong woman to do that. Just know that it is okay to worry. I remember when I first started dating my sailor people would ask “How do you do it?” and I wouldn’t understand. How do I do what? Love him, stay with him, not worry about all that bad things that can happen? The first two are as easy as breathing, but worrying is something I struggle with. Despite my man being stationed stateside (thank goodness) I still worry about what might happen. What if we go into war and they start pulling people from stateside? What if something goes wrong on an underway? What if, what if, what if. What I have learned and still have to work on literally every day is to not think about the what ifs. These worries can rub off on to your military member and cause you both serious stress. Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t voice your concerns because talking about it is healthy. What is not healthy is talking or writing about it 24/7. Be upbeat. Happy girlfriend happy life right?
Lastly, know that there are thousands of us in your shoes. We wait, we worry, we cry, we eat pints of ice cream and drink many bottles of wine, just like you. Sometimes this life that we “signed up” for is hard and feels lonely. Nobody may understand your particular situation, but someone is always willing to listen and give advice. So join a community and meet your MilSo family, there are dozens on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram,
Here are a few links:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mlodp/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/proudlilmilso
